Broken Bird
by tricksteress
Summary: You escaped from a life of crime in the Undercity and saw the worst that humanity has to offer. To keep an old promise, you join the military in the hopes of redeeming yourself and earning the life you've always wanted in the Military Police. But then you meet Eren Jaeger. [Reader Insert]
1. Prologue: The Undercity

"[Name], he saw you! Run, _run_!"

You threw your heavy satchel over your shoulder and turned quickly on your heel, sprinting in the opposite direction of the vendor whose goods you had just stolen. You could hear the portly man struggle to remove himself from behind his stall, grunting angrily and knocking over several crates of goods. You distinctly heard a loud, muffled thump and an '_oof!_', and assumed the man had fallen over in his struggle to catch you. You smirked and looked over your shoulder at the merchant struggling to pick himself up off the dirty ground.

"Thief! There's a thief, _get her_!"

Several men wearing strange uniforms stepped out of the crowd of people on the main road and immediately honed in on your still form. Who were they? Mercenaries? Thugs? The kicked-up dirt from the street made it difficult to make it out.

"_Damn it..._" you hissed under your breath, continuing your retreat. Your bare feet were hitting the wet, dirty ground and kicking up mud at a rapid pace. More than once, you stepped on some debris that sent a ray of pain shooting up your leg, but you gritted your teeth and ignored it. You slid on your heels and took a sharp left, exiting the main square and sprinting down a dusty side road.

The alley was dark, as was the rest of the Undercity, and you could barely see a thing. The only light provided to you was from a single grate high above, opening up to the Stohess district. You could faintly see some phosphorescent crystals embedded into the stone, but the ceiling was too high in this section of the underground district to offer any real light.

You were rapidly approaching a prone form in the dirt, dodging the garbage piled up into the alley, but managed to lithely jump over it at the last minute. The man sat up in a rage, yelling at you as you moved further and further away for disturbing his rest. You heard him yelp in pain as he was run over by your pursuers, and felt a pang of guilt. He didn't deserve that. No one did.

This sort of occurrence was not uncommon in the slums where you grew up. The Undercity, as it was called by its unfortunate residents, was the remnants of what was once the ultimate plan to escape the titan threat. Everyone would move underground, and all of humanity's problems would be solved. It didn't take long for them to figure out how faulty that plan was, and the half-built subterranean city was abandoned.

As the years went on, many lost their homes above-ground due to poverty and lack of resources, and criminals ran underground seeking cover. As a result, the maze-like passageways and hastily-built structures began to fill with Wall Sina's most-wanted and downtrodden, and the slums of the underground district were born.

Due to it's confusing and difficult-to-navigate layout, the police always avoided the Undercity unless something within its depths directly influenced life above ground, and even then would only venture forth in large numbers of a dozen or more. As soon as they completed their task, they would leave. The lack of authority or enforcement by any law-abiding officials festered a negative environment for anyone not in good shape to care for themselves. Those too young, old, or weak to fight to survive were frequently taken advantage of and walked over. Figuratively and literally.

Crime lords became the only authority whose word was respected.

You had lived on the streets of the Undercity for as long as you could remember, avoiding the gangs and criminals to the best of your ability. It had just been you and your sister, Amelia, for a decade, forced to resort to petty crime just to survive, like so many of your fellow Undercity unfortunates. Unlike the others, Amelia served as the anchor to your humanity, keeping you in line even when you weren't sure you were capable of it.

In this stagnant pit of darkness, Amelia shone brighter than the star-like crystals that littered the ceiling.

You moved as quickly as your legs allowed, but it still wasn't quick enough. You heard shouts and heavy footfalls behind you, as several of the men in the narrow alleyway kept in pursuit, each kicking the homeless man as they pushed by. With a panicked gasp, you noticed that there was easily at least ten of them. And they were gaining on you.

Letting out a string of curses, you darted right into another, much smaller path. Merely a space between two hovels, it could barely be _called_ a 'path'. The cold sides of either structure scraped against your arms, leaving red, irritated skin in its wake. You whimpered as a sharp brick cut into your arm.

"Fuck! She's gone in there, follow her!" one of them men screamed behind you.

"Just use 3DMG -" another replied.

"We _can't_, jackass! Look how narrow it is!"

"Are we even sure it's her?"

"She matches the description!"

Your eyes furrowed in confusion. _What the hell are they talking about? What description?_ you thought angrily.

Your chest burned from breathing the dead air, but you pushed on. You could see the end of the crevice, and put on an extra, last burst of energy.

Your heart sank when you felt your satchel yank you back.

"Come here, you little shit!" gritted out the man behind you, dragging you further and further back by your satchel. Your eyes widened and you tried as hard as you could to pull free, but were not strong enough. You felt him rip the satchel off your shoulder and throw it to the ground. He grabbed your hair roughly, yanking you around to look at him and seizing your wrists. "So, you think stealing is a good way to make a living, huh? You've caused an awful lot of trouble for us, you know."

The man had eyes the color of stale water, and pale, clammy-looking skin. He had slicked-back, black hair and thin eyebrows, and his features were twisted into a nasty sneer, revealing a row of yellowed teeth.

With a strangled gasp, you noticed the insignia on the strange man's uniform. A horned horse... you've seen that insignia before.

_Shit!_

"So tell me, little thief," the Military Policeman cooed, twisting the hair at the back of your head painfully. You winced and felt tears of pain gather at the corner of your eyes. "What ever possessed you to think that stealing above ground was a good idea? You've raised quite the uproar with your little antics. Normally, we wouldn't bother arresting some street rat from the underground, but you... you're special. So, what's your name, sweetheart?"

The Military Police weren't supposed to be down here! You'd never seen one in the Undercity in all fourteen years of your life. The only other times you'd seen them were when you and Amelia were seriously in need of food and had snuck above ground to steal from the Stohess market. You had to do what you had to do to keep her safe. You felt rage and panic bubble up inside you as you realized that this could be it. You were going to be arrested. Or killed. And Amelia would be left to fend for herself down here in the stagnant dark. You narrowed your eyes at the man in anger.

"Aww... what bright eyes. I'm not sure I've ever seen such a [eye color]." You gaped at him in horror. The man chuckled. "Awfully quiet, aren't we, thief? Maybe we'll just have to take you upstairs for a nice, long stay in the dungeon. See if that'll loosen your lips."

You grunted and struggled to free yourself from his iron grip. You cried out when he yanked on your hair.

"Oh, no," he said sweetly. "Perhaps we'll have to engage... alternative tactics to get you to talk."

"Fuck you," you gritted out, spitting in the man's face.

Suddenly, a rock about the size of a clenched fist hit him square on the temple and clattered to the ground. The man looked at you in shock for a split second, before you saw his eyes roll into the back of his skull and his legs buckle beneath him. His grip in your hair loosened and he hit the ground, hard.

"[Name]! Go!"

You looked up to see Amelia standing on the roof of the building, her matted [hair color] locks, so much like yours, hanging over her shoulder. You would have smiled if your situation wasn't so dire. Abandoning the satchel with the policeman, you turned and forced your way through the rest of the alley and out into the open.

Amelia leaped effortlessly off the roof and onto the ground beside you.

"We need to hurry," she said in a low voice. "It won't be long before the others manage to get through or go around."

You nodded and ran deeper into the slums, deeper into the darkness, praying that you'd both be able to get away unscathed this time.

* * *

Finally, you and Amelia made it back to the small dead-end corner of the Undercity you called home. Dirty water leaked from the sewage pipes overhead, pooling at the bottom in a stale puddle, before sinking into the damp earth. You threw yourself down on the rock heavily, leaning back and letting out a shaky breath. "That was too close."

"At least we got away alive," Amelia said shortly. "We need to find you new supplies, though. All your stuff was in that satchel."

"Thanks for reminding me, Amelia," you snapped back, rolling away from her on the rock. Your blanket, your extra clothes, what remained of your food - all of it was in that bag. And now it was gone.

"We can share my food until we get more. Otherwise you'll starve."

You looked up at her from your rock, bewildered. "No, Amelia. That's yours. It was my fault I lost all of my supplies." You sat up, sighing. "I think I'll just run to the Old Man's place tomorrow, see if he needs any favors."

Amelia looked at you sternly. You were older than her by a year, but she always managed to make you feel small. "You don't need to do anything for that old bastard. We can share until we're able to restock."

You smiled at her. "Still mad about the time he made you organize the crates in his basement with all your spider-friends?"

She scowled at you, tossing her thick, matted hair over her shoulder and digging into her bag. "Hardly. I just think he's a pervert, the way he's always looking at us."

"If I'm being honest, I agree with you. But we need the food, Amelia, you know that."

Her shoulders drooped and she looked up from her bag. "I know. It's better than stealing. I just don't like it."

Your eyes dropped to the floor. "And I don't think we'll be able to go above ground anymore. The men chasing me were Military Police. They came down here looking for me. They said I've been causing a problem."

Amelia swore, pulling her bedding and a piece of bread out from her satchel. "That's not good. I knew stealing up there would catch up with us. How much did they know?"

"They didn't know my name, so they can't ask around for us. I don't think they know about you. It seemed like all they knew was what I looked like. They must have been speaking to the merchants."

She grunted, laying out her bedroll. "Well, that's something, at least." She patted the spot next to her on the blanket. "Come on, [Name]. I'm not letting you freeze tonight, either. No excuses. Our combined body heat will keep each other warmer anyway. It's gonna be cold tonight."

You sighed and got up off your rock, crawling beneath the blanket next to Amelia. She broke off half of her bread and handed it to you. "Here. Eat."

You reluctantly took it and smiled at her. "Thank you, Amelia. Really. Who'd have thought that you'd be the one taking care of me?"

She smiled softly, the last of the tension leaving her pretty face. "We take care of each other. We always have."

"Yeah. We have," you said, taking a grateful bite of the bread. It was disgustingly stale, but that was to be expected. You and Amelia never stole from the poor, and tried to only take the worst of the stock from the merchants, and always just what you need to get by. Amelia hated having to steal just to survive, but the two of you had no choice. So, you stole, and she kept watch. You'd been doing this since you were both small.

Once you both finished your bread, you lay back on your blanket, staring up at the glowing crystals embedded into the stone ceiling of the Undercity.

"[Name]?" Amelia asked tentatively.

"Hm?" you replied drowsily, barely able to keep your eyes open. All that running today had left you exhausted and drained of energy.

There were a few moments of silence from Amelia's direction. "Do you remember mom and dad?" she asked, her voice quiet.

You paused, surprised by her sudden question, thinking hard. "No, not really," you answered slowly. "Sometimes, I feel like I can remember mom being there, but not her face or name or anything. I'm not even sure if it's a real memory."

"Do you think they were from the Undercity too?" she asked quickly, rolling over to look at you.

Your eyebrows drew together in confusion. "I... really don't know, Amelia. Why? Why are you wondering this now?"

Her face fell into a deep frown. "I just... wanted to know if you thought they'd be disappointed in us. We're thieves, [Name]. We're criminals." Her eyes shone with unshed tears. You looked at her in surprise. She was twisting the ring on her finger agitatedly. "Why would they leave us? Why did they leave us here alone? All we have from them is _this_!" she yelled, gesturing at the ring. It had been with you for as long as you can remember. It most likely belonged to one of your parents. On the face of the ring was etched a tiny, beautiful bird against a backdrop of fire. "What good does _this_ do us?"

"Hey, hey..." you said soothingly, wrapping your arms around Amelia's smaller form tenderly. "Don't think like that. They left us here to fend for ourselves. I don't know why they did it, but they did. Besides, we don't need them. We have each other." She sniffled quietly, snuggling into your shoulder. "And about whether or not they'd be proud of us..." you continued tentatively, not sure of what you should say. "I think they would be. I only just take what we need to live. And we look out for each other. I'm... we're doing the best we can."

You held her in the dark until her sniffling finally fell silent.

"I'm sorry," Amelia said so softly, you weren't sure you heard her correctly.

"What?" you asked shocked, pulling back and looking at Amelia's face. She looked ashamed.

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I wasn't paying enough attention today. If I had been watching him more closely, I would have been able to tell you he was turning around, and we would have been able to get away and you wouldn't have lost your bag," she said in a rush. "It was all my fault, I wasn't fast enough. And now you don't have any of your clothes or your food or -"

"It's not your fault," you said harshly. "Don't ever think it's your fault. Accidents happen. Sometimes we get away without being caught, sometimes we don't."

"But today you could have gotten away unnoticed if I just -"

"Don't. Don't think like that. It's not your fault, and I'm not angry. We'll figure it out tomorrow."

Amelia sniffled one last time, and then rolled over onto her back. The two of you sat in silence for a few moments.

"[Name]?"

"Go to bed, Amelia."

"Do you ever wonder what real stars look like?"

You stilled and looked up at the ceiling of the Undercity. This late at night, after the grates to Wall Sina have closed, all the phosphorescent crystals in the ceiling begin to glow, speckling the ceiling with dull lights. You didn't know what stars were supposed to be like.

"I think they probably look like this," you answered shortly.

"I don't," Amelia said.

You looked at her in confusion. "Why not? From what I've heard, the stars above ground look exactly like these."

Her lips tightened and her brows furrowed together in thought. "These aren't stars. They're dull. They're... yellow," Amelia said disgustedly. "I heard stars _shine_. They're the purest white. I bet they're much brighter than the crystals. Bigger, too. And they're much, much farther away. The float in the sky like little firebirds, and we can see them from all the way down here on the ground." She stared up at the ceiling, her voice reverent, her eyes unfocused.

"They sound amazing," you say, looking up at the ceiling with her.

"Some day, I'll see them."

You had never heard Amelia sound so sure about anything. Her determination and fire put a smile on your face. "I know you will."

She turned to you, a radiant smile on her face. "When I do, you'll be there too. I'm counting on it."

You both returned to a comfortable silence, staring at the ceiling, imagining the little firebirds that were the stars. Amelia broke the silence again.

"I think I'll join the military when I come of age."

You chuckled softly, still staring up. "No, you won't."

Amelia looked at you indignantly. "Yes, I will! I want to join the Scouting Legion. Then, I'll be able to look at the stars all I want."

You looked at her with a raised eyebrow and smirked. "You don't mean that. People who join the Scouting Legion are suicidal."

It was Amelia's turn to look amused. "Maybe so, but they have more power than anyone to make a difference. Should I join the Military Police instead? They almost arrested us today, but to be fair, we _were_ breaking the law. Again. Not that its our fault that we were left to die down here... if I joined them I could take care of the poor in this pit."

You sighed wistfully. "The Military Police would be nice, but you'd be wasting your time patrolling the Capital. They would never assign you to the Undercity... but they have so much power. You'd never have to steal anything again."

"That's not why I'd join them!" Amelia said angrily. "I just want to help out. Somehow. However I can. I wouldn't stop until they started helping the people down here. The Military Police are corrupt. They need good people to join them. They need good people to change them. But you would join them to have the same power over people as those guys from earlier?"

"I'd join them so that we could be safe," you answered simply. "If I was in the Military Police, I could have a nice house for you up in Wall Sina. Then you wouldn't have to steal _or_ be titan food."

Amelia scoffed, sitting up. "Maybe it's not such a bad plan, but the Military Police are boring. And truthfully, they're too stubborn to change," she said fiercely. "I want adventure! I want to see the world! I want to make a difference," she said, throwing her arms up triumphantly. "I think I would make a good scout. I'm brave, I think. And fast. The titans can't eat what the can't catch!" she giggled, falling back into her bed. "I would help them take back Wall Maria."

You shook you head, laughing with her. "Amelia, the Hero of Wall Maria! I can see it now!"

Eventually, your giggles died down. Amelia turned to look at you. "I wouldn't mind dying, if it was for a cause like in the Scouting Legion."

"Don't say that, stupid. You're not joining the Scouting Legion, and you're not dying," you shot her a look out of the corner of your eye. "Now, try to get to sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow."

"Yeah," Amelia said, yawning. "We've got to get you some supplies." She fell unusually silent. "Do you think I could join the military? Would you?"

"You definitely could, if you wanted to. I'm just a thief, though. They'd never let in somebody like me."

"Oh," Amelia said thoughtfully. "Goodnight, [Name]."

"Goodnight, Amelia."

* * *

You woke up long after the grates in the ceiling had already opened, letting in the harsh morning light. It filtered down through the darkness, allowing you to see every particle of dust that floated through the rays. You pulled yourself up off the grimy floor, and looked around for your satchel.

_Oh, right. Shit._

"Hey, Amelia, time to wake up," you said, crawling out of the blanket and standing up, stretching like a cat and hearing a few of your joints pop. Ouch. "I'm gonna head out to see the Old Man."

After a few seconds, you heard no reply. Grunting in frustration, you turned around.

"Amelia, come on -"

With a feeling of dread, you noticed the spot next to you on the blanket was empty.

Normally, you wouldn't have been concerned if she wasn't there. But you and Amelia had always had one rule living in the Undercity that must never be broken.

_Always tell each other where you are._

Amelia had said nothing to you, nor had she woken you up. She left only one thing.

The ring sat where her head should have been.

_Stupid girl_, you thought in a panic. _Where would she have gone without telling me? If she had gone to relieve herself, she'd have told me. We have water -_

With a pang of realization, you looked around. The satchel was gone.

"Shit!" you swore loudly, not caring if you were heard. You never took the satchels with you unless you planned to fill it. You remembered what Amelia said last night about blaming herself for losing your stuff. "Stupid, _stupid_."

Completely ignoring your blankets, you grabbed the ring, throwing it on your right index finger, and were on your feet and racing through the Undercity in a second. _Where would she have gone? The Market, the Old Man's... there!_

Deciding to check at the Old Man's first, you veered sharply to your right and continued on your way through the alleyways and paths. Your bare feet still ached from your escape yesterday, but you couldn't have cared any less. You ran into several people who shouted obscenities at you as you passed. You didn't care. You only had one thought on your mind - find Amelia. Now.

Whether it took fifteen minutes or two hours, you weren't sure. Eventually, finally, you stood in front of the hovel that belonged to the Old Man. That bastard. He pulled more strings down here in the Undercity than the King. If anyone knew where Amelia was, he would.

You threw open the door without caring to knock, and marched in, eyes looking wildly about. The bastard himself looked up from his kettle by the fireplace and stared at you complacently. "[Name]. What a pleasant surprise. And what can I do for you so early in the morning?"

"You _know_ what," you snarled. "Amelia. Where is she?"

He chuckled, his long white hair falling over his shoulder. His lips curled, his rotten, disgusting teeth bared into a grotesque smile. "Why, the both of you are quite spirited, aren't you? At any rate, your sister isn't here. I turned her away."

Your face blanched and you growled. "What do you mean, _you turned her away?_"

"She came here looking for supplies, and I told her I didn't have any. So she left," he chirped, turning back to his kettle. "I could tell you where she went. For a price."

You were across the room and in his face before he even drew his next breath. You ripped him from his chair by the collar of his shirt and threw him against the wall. As frail as he was, it was not difficult. "Tell me where she is and I'll consider not killing you."

He merely chuckled again. His breath almost made you gag. "You won't kill me. Whatever would that sister of yours think? Either way, I've dealt with thugs _far_ more threatening than you, and I'm still standing here."

You stared at him for a few more seconds, before releasing his collar. He sank to the floor, expression unchanged. "Bastard," you sneered.

"I take it we have a deal?" he asked smugly.

"I'll pay your price. After I find my sister."

"Excellent. When the time comes, I will call on you for a favor. Any favor." He stood up and walked over to you, smiling his best smile.

"Fine," you snapped.

"Should you fail to pay your price at that time, I will be sure you pay a far higher one." If he looked any more pleased, you swore you'd punch him in the jaw.

"_Fine_. Tell me where she is."

"She left for the Stohess District market. Food down here has been scarce recently, and she said you were desperate."

You felt all the blood drain from you face. _No..._

"When was that? When did she leave?" you almost yelled, getting in his face again.

"Well, it must've been close to four hours ago now. If she hasn't returned yet, I'd be willing to venture a guess that something went wrong," he sang, turning around and returning to his kettle.

* * *

_"[Name]! You'll never believe what I found!" Amelia yelled, returning to your meeting point after a long day working the market, hands held behind her back._

_You turned to her, trying to pick some of the debris out of your foot._

_"What?! I told you not to take off on your own! Always tell me first!"_

_Amelia giggled, her round, childish face spreading into the biggest shit-eating grin you'd ever witnessed. "I couldn't help it! It just looked too good!"_

_You sighed in resignation, picking the last of the debris out of your foot, and turning to your little sister. "What did you find?"_

_Amelia could barely contain her excitement as she removed her hands from their place behind her back. In them, was a small, hastily wrapped piece of cake that looked like it'd seen better days. Her smile touched her ears. "Happy birthday!"_

_You couldn't help the smile that snuck its way onto your face. "It's not my birthday, Amelia. We don't even know what day it is. Or what my birthday is, even."_

_"Don't care!" she sang, sitting down in front of you and unwrapping it quickly. "I wanted to make one up because you've never had one before."_

_"You've never had one either," you pointed out._

_"I know, but today is your birthday, so I brought you cake!" she giggled._

_"Well, then, it's your birthday, too. We can share it."_

_If it was even possible, Amelia managed to look even more excited. "Oh, really? Thank you, [Name], thank you!" she yelled, lunging forward and wrapping her arms around your neck, very nearly squishing the cake she had gotten so excited over._

_"You're welcome, Amelia," you said quietly. "Thank you."_

* * *

_That was years ago,_ you thought sadly. _Why am I remembering this now?_

You're not sure how you managed to get to the Stohess District. Everything after seeing the Old Man seemed like a blur to you, from leaving his hovel to racing through the streets to ascending the grimy stairs to the world above.

As usual, the second you hit the top stair and saw the bustling streets of Wall Sina, you had to squint at the harsh sunlight, and lift your arm up to cover your sensitive eyes. Regardless of your temporary blindness, you moved forward, towards the Stohess Market, bumping into many angry citizens.

_Please be here, please be here..._

You burst into the Marketplace of the Stohess district, almost being swept away by the crowd of bustling upper-class shoppers. You ran from stall to stall, you heart pounding in your chest, asking vendors if they'd seen a young girl wandering around alone. No one had seen anything.

It isn't surprising that they hadn't seen anyone, however. Unfortunately for you that day, your sister was a master at staying undetected in large crowds.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a commotion from up the street. Scuffling. Shouting. A high pitched scream.

Your feet mindlessly carried you towards the source of the commotion, every other sound in the busy district draining away, until all you could hear was the scream. No one else reacted. You just flew by them, seeing their mouths form into silent laughs, not hearing the sound. A few small children, no older than five or six, ran by you, playing a game of tag. A young couple held hands and looked at the assortment of vegetables in a nearby stall. A young, uniformed man walked an older woman down the street, arm-in-arm. An infant cried in his mother's loving arms.

So much life. You couldn't be bothered to notice any of it.

As you rounded the corner into the side street, feet skidding on the smooth stone of the road, your jaw dropped. There was an officer standing, in full uniform, chasing Amelia as she tried to get away. In slow motion, it seemed, you watched grab a fistful of her hair and throw her to the ground, landing a hard kick directly to her abdomen. You didn't notice much else. You didn't need to.

You chased them a ways down the alley, until you finally caught up to the soldier mid-stomp. You flung yourself onto the soldier from behind, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck, and he reacted immediately, spinning around and trying to grab hold of you. You wouldn't let go.

You saw Amelia lift her head from the ground and turn around to figure out what was going on. Her face melted into one of shock and anger. "What are you DOING!?"

"Get out, now!" you screamed, clinging onto the flailing soldier for dear life.

You saw Amelia struggle to decide what to do from the ground as she heavily picked herself up. You screamed and screamed at her, not even noticing the words that left your mouth anymore. _Get out, go back, I'll take care of it, go, go, go..._

Amelia didn't move.

The man reached back and attempted to grab you, anywhere, trying to get you off of him. He swung a little to close to your face. You took his hand in your mouth and bit down savagely.

He howled in pain, and began backing up, clutching his bleeding palm. You tasted his blood on your lips.

Then you heard a shattering sound and felt a sharp pain all over, and you hit the pavement, dazed. You looked up through a shower of glass and saw the soldier standing over you, a strangely pleased look in his eyes, hand going into his jacket and pulling out a tiny, glittering object.

You looked at it, a strange sense of wonder and fear overcoming you. You'd never seen anything like it. Your head swam, eyes going in and out of focus.

The object made a clicking sound, and the officer pointed it directly at your forehead.

In your moment of confusion, you had forgotten about Amelia. Until she did the same exact thing you had done seconds prior and jumped at the Military Policeman.

He was prepared this time.

"NO!"

You weren't sure which of you screamed. He immediately pressed the end of the object to Amelia's stomach, and a loud sound rang out through the alleyway.

It's funny how the first thing you noticed was the single potato that fell out of her bag and fall harmlessly to the ground. It took you an extra second to see the blood splatter across the wall behind, or hear her pained grunt, or see her fall, limp, to the ground.

_No. No. Not Amelia. Please, not Amelia._

Amelia had plenty to live for, and she had never committed any real crimes. She had everything ahead of her. Everything you had ever done had been to keep her safe, _everything_. She was a smart girl, bright, and kinder than anyone else you'd ever met. She had a future.

_I'm just a thief. I've only ever been a thief._

_Take me instead._

You sat on the ground for moment, in complete shock. Your mind was swirling with anger, hurt, pain, grief, confusion, guilt, despair. Then every emotion faded away from your body and you were left with only one.

**Rage.**

You looked down at your body on the ground, seeing that you sat in a bed of broken glass from the window that had been smashed above you. Small cuts littered your body and you noticed vaguely that there was something sticking out of your right cheek. Your hand reached up and pulled the shard of glass out with a steady hand. You felt the blood begin to ooze freely from the gash.

Dropping the small piece that was previously embedded in your cheek, you picked up a long shard and stood on sturdy legs, squeezing it so tightly in your palm that a thin trail of blood leaked out from between your fingers.

It dripped lazily over your ring.

You took a step out of the pool of blood and glass, tiny shards cutting into your already injured feet. Coldly, you walked towards the soldier, leaving bloody footprints in your wake. He stared down at Amelia with ice in his eyes, kicking aside her limp leg with his foot. He turned around to face you.

And the last thing you saw was his look of absolute shock before you slid the shard of glass smoothly across his throat.

Gurgling and wide-eyed, he fell to his knees, clutching his lacerated neck. You went around him as he fell face-first to the ground and knelt by Amelia, pulling her body into your arms. You vaguely noticed the gory tear in her shirt that was steadily leaking her lifeblood.

You didn't even have the strength to cry.

You sat for a few seconds, clutching Amelia as though she would disappear if you let go.

"[N... Name...]," she said weakly. You looked down at her bruising, pale face, steel in your eyes, but a storm in your heart.

"Yes, Amelia?" Your voice sounded stronger than you thought it would.

"Promise me you won't let this break you."

You looked at her in disbelief, and then your eyes burned with unshed tears and a burning, red-hot rage. "I'll try. I promise."

She nodded weakly, eyes drooping. "Promise me you'll try to make a difference. Join the military. Help people. Get out of the... Undercity. Promise me. Don't spend your life rotting down in that dump."

The first tears started traitorously sneaking their way out of your eyes. There was no stopping them now. Each one landed on Amelia's bloodied cheek, sliding down into her hairline. "I promise."

"You're more than... just a thief. Promise me... you'll see the stars..." She took one last, shuddering breath, and closed her eyes. For the last time.

"I promise," you whispered.

You let out a strangled sob and held her small form to yours, crying openly into her matted hair. You looked behind you and saw the military policeman lying in a pool of blood, as still and pale as Amelia.

You didn't feel rage anymore.

Just overpowering sadness and disgust.

_They Military Police are broken._

_They're killers._

_They forced our hand._

_They must be made to care._

_I **will** make them care._

"Officer! Officer! I heard a gunshot down that alley..."

You heard the woman's voice and sat up abruptly, head snapping to the mouth of the alley as you saw several people jogging in. Amelia fell from your lap and hit the ground with a dull thump. You looked around you in a panic, from Amelia, to the officer, to the mouth of the alley. You stood there, surrounded by two corpses, covered in blood, trying to find a way out, until you heard the heavy footsteps pounding down the stone alley behind you.

You took one last look at your little sister, and then darted down the road in the opposite direction, leaving a pool of blood in your wake.

After you rounded the corner, you could hear the two officers confirming that Amelia's [hair color] hair matched the description of the thief that had been hounding Stohess.

You kept running.

You never looked back.


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome to the Cadet Corps

_One Year Later_

You had washed your tunic, and now stretched it out on the wooden table, trying your damnedest to make it look less wrinkly than it obviously was. You let go of its frayed, slightly ripped edge, and the shirt almost immediately shrank in on itself. It almost looked as if it was going into the fetal position.

You frowned. This was _definitely_ not going like you planned.

After several more minutes of struggling with the shirt, you gave up entirely, throwing it over your head in all its semi-cleaned, wrinkly glory.

At least you didn't smell anymore. You have to be grateful for the little things, or so you learned.

But this? This was important to you. Today was the day you were finally going to do it.

Today, registration opened for the Cadet Corps. All year, during the day, you'd been hard at work in the fields, doing whatever tedious task your supervisor had assigned for you, earning yourself a measly income. At night, you'd been training and training, working on getting better in every aspect of combat and stealth that you could. Anything that could help you get into the Military Police. Unfortunately, combat training by yourself could only get you so far.

_Top ten,_ you reminded yourself. _This isn't a game. You've got to make top ten. And besides, training is what the next three years are for._

You stepped out of the tiny room you had rented in Trost, and exited onto the street, patting yourself down and brushing off the invisible dust that always seemed to cling to clothing.

You looked up at the early-morning stars shining brightly overhead and drew your eyebrows together sadly. You twisted the phoenix ring on your right index finger absently. You had developed a habit of doing that over the last year. Especially when you thought about her.

_You were right. These are far more beautiful than those in the Undercity._

You walked a ways down the street, hands in the pockets of your trousers. You knew the women above ground were supposed to wear skirts; somehow, you never saw the point. Skirts were impractical. If you wore one in the Undercity, you wouldn't last an hour. Either the cold or the men would get to you. You still didn't know which one was worse, but you saw no reason to start wearing skirts now.

_A half an hour,_ you thought, looking up at the sky. _Registration opens at dawn._

You knew you wouldn't be starting actual training for another week or so, but you couldn't help but go through everything you'd worked hard to learn in your mind.

_Strike hard and fast._

Stick to their blind spots.

Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth.

Never let them know what you are.

You knew that having "Undercity" listed as your place of birth would be a surefire way of getting the Military Police to hone in on who you were, so... you'd have to lie. You didn't make any friends over the last year. You felt no desire to, but you did overhear some of their conversations. Jinae District was relatively obscure, not too much going on there. It'd have to do.

In an hour's time, you would officially be [Name] [Surname] of Jinae, trainee in the Cadet Corps.

You couldn't tell whether you wanted to laugh or cry.

There was a nagging fear at the back of your mind that you'd have to fill out some paperwork, but hopefully the paper-shortage in Wall Rose would allow them to cut some corners.

You weren't sure how to explain to the registry that you didn't even have the education required to write down your full name.

Ten minutes or so later, you came across a building with ivy crawling it's way up the side. Perfect.

Grabbing hold of one of the dark, leafy vines, you hoisted your lithe body up and climbed quietly to the roof. You still had some time to kill, and you wanted to watch the sunrise.

You've had a year of seeing it, and you're still not tired of it. You doubted you ever would be.

Every time you saw one of the wonders of the world above, you'd think of her. You found yourself wishing, each time, that she'd be there to witness it with you. But each time, you'd never been anything but alone.

You climbed over the peak of the roof to sit on the other side. As you walked carefully over the loose shingles, you froze.

Someone else had gotten there before you.

You _weren't_ alone.

The figure rotated from his spot at the edge of the roof, looking at you in confusion with brilliant green eyes.

"...Hi," you spat out intelligently.

He quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head, shaggy brown hair falling in his eyes. "Hi."

You both stood in silence for a few seconds, staring at each other on the desolate rooftop.

_Awkward._

"What, are you some kind of criminal?" the boy asked suspiciously.

"No!" you answered quickly, defensive, feeling a bead of sweat form on your forehead. _Shit, am I that obvious? Really fucking smooth!_ you thought. "I just have something I need to do soon and I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to watch the sunrise." _What are you doing? You don't need to explain yourself to this guy, stupid!_

He seemed to deliberate on your answer for a moment, before nodding and turning back to face the sky. "Alright then. We can share the roof."

You stared at him for a few moments, confused. _Who does he think he is? I'll use the damned roof if I want to use the roof!_ you thought, crossing your arms across your chest.

You were too lost in your internal sassing to notice you hadn't moved since the boy spoke. "What, you just gonna stand there? You can sit, you know. Sun's coming up in a minute."

You started and tentatively moved to sit next to the boy, feet dangling off the edge of the roof. You both sat in silence.

"What's happening today that's so big you can't even sleep?" he questioned.

You were surprised by his curiosity, but saw no reason to lie. You narrowed your eyes. "I'm signing up for the Cadet Corps."

He turned his head towards you, eyebrows furrowed. "You don't look like the soldier type."

You looked at him indignantly. "Who are you to judge what 'type' I am?"

He looked away again. "No one, I suppose." He paused. "I'm registering, too."

You weren't shocked. Your smile was almost feral. "So we'll be competing for top ten."

The boy snorted. Outright _snorted_. "Yeah, right. I'm not competing for anything. I'm joining the Survey Corps."

That was enough to wipe the smile off your face and you balked. "Are you serious? You're not even going to _try_ for the Military Police? Are you suicidal?"

"I'm going to work my hardest and become the best at killing titans. Then, I will kill the titans. _All of them_. If I happen to end up in the top ten, then great. If not, it won't ruin my day."

You looked away from him, thinking that maybe you wouldn't like this guy very much.

"So, I guess you're one of the cowards who wants to earn an easy life by riding with the Military Police then, huh?"

Your head snapped towards him, face curling into a sneer. _Oh, yeah. I definitely don't like this guy._ "Is valuing my life really a trait to scoff at?"

"What life?" he shot back. "Cowering behind the walls in the hope you'll never have to see a titan isn't much of a life. You're just livestock." He turned his head away from you, a frown on his face.

"Oh? And what would you know of cowering? I'm sure you haven't seen any of the evil this world has to offer, and you certainly haven't seen any titans. Those who have are dead."

He fell completely silent and glared at you mercilessly.

Your voice was quiet as you continued. "Once you get a taste of what real fear is, you won't be so keen on going nose to nose with a monster."

His eyes narrowed. "And you have so much experience in dealing with evil and fear?"

You looked out towards the sky, lips falling into a deep frown. "...Yeah. Some."

You hadn't even noticed the sun coming up. He looked at the sky and then back to you, green fire in his eyes and stood up, turning away from you. "I'm heading over to the military headquarters. Registration opens soon."

You sat for a few more minutes, staring at the brilliant oranges and pinks splayed across the sky.

_That guy is suicidal._

* * *

Eren stomped away from you, anger ebbing away at his heart.

_Great job, Eren. Making friends already,_ he thought heatedly. _Are they all gonna be like that? I sure as fucking hell hope not._

He returned as quickly as possible to the room where he, Armin, and Mikasa were staying, opening to door without so much as a thought for courtesy. He looked at their sleeping forms and frowned. "Hey!" he barked. "Get up! It's time to go!"

Armin sat up quickly, blonde hair sticking up in a messy halo and looked around in a panic. Mikasa didn't move. She simply opened one eye and glared at her step-brother.

"There are kinder ways to wake someone up in the morning, Eren," she said scolding.

"Sure. Next time I'll be sure to splash water on your lazy ass."

Armin looked absolutely horrified at the thought, but shook it off a second later, along with his bed-hair. "Where did you go?"

"I just went for a walk. Met another registrant."

"Oh, yeah?" Armin asked curiously. "What was he like?"

Eren's pursed his lips, looking at nothing in particular. "She's going to try for the Military Police. She doesn't matter."

Eren's frowned deepened. If you didn't matter, why did what you said bother him so much?

* * *

"Sasha Braus. Dauper Village," said a brunette with her mop of brown hair tied back into a high ponytail. Bits of hair fell down into her face, obscuring it slightly. Overall, she looked physically fit. Competition.

"Sasha Braus. You are assigned to the 104th Trainees Division. Next!" shouted the angry looking man with the clipboard, waving away the girl and glaring at the next in line. "Name and place of birth."

You looked away, overcome with relief that the registration process was verbal and not written. You had a small thought to look around again and observe your competition, but decided against it. It didn't matter, anyway. Stats show that more than half of them would end up dropping out or dying in the first six months. That's when the contenders for the top ten really begin to show themselves. You played with the ring on your finger.

_I promise you, Amelia, I will make it to the end._

"Eren Jaeger," said a familiar voice.

You looked curiously up to the front of the line where the guy from the roof stood with a small, blonde boy and beautiful girl with long, black hair.

_Pfft. Figures._

He stood there, looking as proud and angry as ever, eyebrows furrowed.

_Guy needs to calm the fuck down for -_

"Shiganshina District."

All the blood drained from your face.

You weren't the only one, either. It seemed like everyone within earshot had turned to look at the boy from Shiganshina District.

_You've got to be kidding me... how is he even alive?_

As it turns out, the two he was standing, Arlert and Ackerman, with were also from Shiganshina.

You then felt a very small, familiar bug called 'guilt' begin to crawl it's way under your skin.

_**"And what would you know of cowering?"**_

He's not cowering. He's here to join the damned Survey Corps_. After having seen what I'm sure he's seen, that's about as far from 'cowering' as it gets. It's... brave._

**"You haven't seen any of the evil this world has to offer."**

Shiganshina witnessed first-hand how bad the world gets. I was miles and miles away, and I still had nightmares about just what I'd heard through gossip in downtown... I can't even imagine...

**"You certainly haven't seen any titans."**

He's probably seen more titans than anyone else not in the Suicide Corps. Damn it, I'm so stupid...

**"Those who have are dead."**

He must have lost so much.

**"Once you get a taste of what real fear is, you won't be so keen on going nose to nose with a monster."**

Great job, [Name]. Making friends already.

Oh, Sina, I'm a piece of shit.

* * *

"Name and place of birth."

"[Name] [Surname]. Jinae District."

"104th Trainees Division, [Surname]. Report to the Cadet Corps HQ a week from today. Next!"

_That was it?_ you thought, walking away. _All this time worried I wouldn't be able to get in, and that was it?_

You heard very faintly the voice of the freckled boy who had stood behind you in line. "Marco Bodt, Jinae District."

_Hey, looks like I've got friends from home_, you thought wryly. _Here's hoping Jinae isn't a small as they say it is._

You passed the group from Shiganshina as you were leaving the HQ. You could feel the boy, Jaeger, look at you as you walked by.

You averted your eyes and stared straight ahead, iron in your eyes, the whole way out.

* * *

A week later, you were finally there.

Finally standing in the sweltering sunlight wearing thick trousers, knee-high boots, and a dark, heavy jacket. Not to mention the criss-crossing straps that seemed to pinch you in _all_ the wrong places.

You thought you might be sick.

You heard the instructor, Keith Shadis, harassing the poor kid named Armin from down the line a bit. You vaguely recognized him as one of the Shiganshina trio. You could swear in that moment that his voice went up about three octaves in fear.

You would have smiled if you weren't afraid you were about to lose your breakfast.

Shadis made his way down through the line, stopping at every doe-eyed recruit to give them shit simply for existing. You swallowed what felt like a stone in your throat.

Oh Sina, you were sweating like a pig. _Is it always this hot in Trost? Or is it the uniform? Is it just me, am I nervous? Come on, suck it up!_

You noticed Shadis passing by the green-eyed boy and black-haired girl from Shiganshina. There was no need to toughen them up or put the fear of God in them; they'd already gone through their rites of passage.

Some poor sod from Trost was picking himself up off the ground from a vicious headbutt for wanting to live the high life in the Capital, courtesy of Instructor Badass, when the devil himself stopped in front of you.

"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU."

You plastered a look of pure steel on your face. "[Name] [Surname] of Jinae, SIR!" You were pleased your voice sounded much stronger than you felt. Especially considering your knees felt like jelly beneath you.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, CADET."

"To join the Military Police, sir!"

Shadis looked at you scornfully. Thinking back to the way he'd handled the Trost kid, you thought maybe you should have said "Garrison Regiment" instead.

"What makes you want to join the Police?"

You gulped, but your resolve didn't fade. "To serve justice, sir."

"Interesting," he said thoughtfully, "that a slob like you wants to serve justice. TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, [SURNAME]. The Military Police don't deal in your brand of shit!"

You would never admit it and promised to probably pummel anyone who mentioned it, but you squeaked in fear and hurried to tuck in your shirt, hands shaking. Shadis moved on to the next cadet, the same freckled boy from registration.

With your shirt tucked in more neatly than ever before in your life, you stood at attention and looked around you at the other cadets. You caught the boy from Shiganshina, Jaeger, looking at you out of the corner of his green eyes. As soon as yours met his, he looked away and stared straight ahead, fierce determination evident on his features.

You swayed a little where you stood, and it had nothing to do with the downright _attractive_ shade of his irises. Not that you'd ever admit _that_, either.

"FOURTH ROW, ABOUT FACE!"

You pivoted, grateful for a reason not to have to look at Jaeger for a second longer.

* * *

Eren was glad that Shadis decided to pass him by. It was hot as hell, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to speak without his voice cracking from being so dry.

Yeah, it was dry. That was it. It had nothing to do with slight pull of nervousness in his chest.

He glanced at Mikasa. She looked as stony as ever, a look of complete self-control on her face.

Damn, he wished he could that.

"[Name] [Surname] of Jinae, SIR!"

He turned slightly too look at you. You swayed slightly where you stood and your skin looked clammy, but your voice was stronger than most of the other trainees here and your face held a mask of stoicism and determination.

_Hell,_ he thought, astonished. _She's serious about making top ten!_

Shadis finished his interrogation and moved on. You clearly looked relieved but had to keep readjusting your feet to stay standing. You looked like you might collapse. _Maybe it was too hot?_ Eren thought.

Your eyes flicked in his direction and he avoided them, looking straight ahead.

Not before he noticed the pretty [eye color] of your irises, though.

* * *

Once you were nauseous, lightheaded, _and_ weak-kneed from the unrelenting heat on the training field, Shadis finally finished with his harsh dehumanization of the 104th trainees.

You tried to maintain your composure on the way back to the mess hall, watching the pony-tailed girl from Dauper, Sasha, run her millionth lap. You couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for her.

Quite frankly, you would have taken the potato, too.

You heard the chatter and bustle of all of your fellow trainees around you, but really had no interest in joining them. They were competition, nothing more. Making friends was pointless.

You fell behind the large group quickly enough, unsteady on your feet. Finally, you were almost to the mess hall. You could hardly believe it. Just a few more feet -

Your eyes could have popped out of your head when you felt your knees buckle.

"Oof, shit - " you cursed, rapidly approaching the hard ground. You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to brace yourself for impact.

It never came, though. You felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around your waist, preventing you from falling. You opened one eye cautiously.

"How do you expect to be in the Military Police if you can't last a single day of standing around and doing nothing? That's basically their entire job description."

Your face turned a deep, embarrassing red.

Eren helped you to stand up, keeping a steadying hand on your waist. "You good?"

"I'm fine, Jaeger," you spat, looking at him fiercely. You knew you reacted a bit... harshly because of your embarrassment. You couldn't help it.

He looked at you in surprise and then anger (you were beginning to realize it was a frequent expression for him), and then turned on his heel, heading for the mess hall. "Fine. Whatever."

You closed your eyes and took a deep, calming breath. "Wait. Jaeger."

He stopped and turned to face you once again.

You met his gaze. "What were doing all the way back here and not with your friends?"

He actually looked a little flustered at your question. "I... told them to go ahead. I noticed you didn't look good, and I just wanted to make sure you made it back okay."

_He was worried about me? After what I said?_

You looked at the ground in shame. "Thank you. And... I'm sorry."

He looked genuinely confused. "What are you sorry for?"

You felt your cheeks flush again. "For what I said before."

He looked smug. "Oh, well then. I forgive you."

You looked up at him and crossed your arms. "Don't start being all cocky! I still think you're an idiot."

He scoffed. "I still think you're a coward."

"Fine!" you said, pushing past him.

To your horror, your knees buckled again and you fell against him.

"You know, if you wanted me to touch you, there are better ways to go about doing it," he said, a clear smirk in his voice as he held you up.

You gritted your teeth in anger. "Fuck you. Help me up."

"Whatever you say, boss," he mocked, wrapping an arm around your waist and helping you up the stairs to the mess hall. Once you reached the top, you leaned against the wall gratefully.

"Don't tell anyone about this," you said. You meant for it to sound like a demand, but instead it came out as a weak plea. You could have died from shame.

Eren just laughed. How _infuriating_. "Fine."

_Sina,_ you thought angrily, gritting your teeth. _I hate that guy._


	3. Chapter 2: Where We Differ

You waited a few minutes after Eren had entered the mess hall, watching poor Potato Girl run her final laps, before you decided to follow. Truth be told, you didn't look forward to having to go in anyway. You weren't exactly a 'people person', as you were more than aware.

Finally, Shadis' unfortunate victim pulled up in front of the mess hall and collapsed, sweating heavily and panting like a parched dog. Which she may as well have been, as far as you were concerned.

You shot her a look of pity and were about to finally enter the mess hall when a tiny blonde girl darted out, hands full with a loaf of bread and a skein filled with water. She slowly walked down the stairs to the ground. "I've brought you food," she called shyly to Potato Girl, who was already picking herself up off the ground.

She was across the ground and tearing apart the bread in her mouth so quickly that you thought she might have taken the girl's fingers with it.

You sighed and turned away, passing a taller, dark-haired girl as you finally entered the mess hall.

You regretted it almost immediately.

The room was filled with several dozen loud, chattering trainees. It seemed like everyone had already found their cliques and were talking animatedly. Barely any seats remained.

Except for the two that must have previously belonged to the two girls outside with Potato Girl. As it would happen, those two seats were very, _very_ close to where Jaeger and Co. were sitting.

_Fucking wonderful._

You collected your own piece of bread and bowl of colorless slop, before heading over to the table and sitting down heavily, happy to finally be off your feet after such a long day. The three looked up at you curiously, before getting the hint that you didn't want to talk and returning to their own meals.

Well, two of them at least.

Jaeger shot you a strange look, but you narrowed your eyes at him and he also took the hint.

Thank Sina.

"Not a lot of spare seats, huh?" Eren said obnoxiously. You knew he wasn't talking to you so much as _about_ you. That made it even worse. Your face burned.

"More will free up as time goes on. There was a whole carriage of drop-outs leaving for the fields, and today's only the first day." That came from the blonde boy, Arlert.

"If you can't cut it here, you can't stay. It's as simple as that."

Now _that_ you could agree with at least. The fewer people in the Corps, the fewer you had to compete with to make it into the Police. You could live with that.

You blocked out their conversation and decided to take a look around you at some of the other cadets in the mess hall.

At the other end of the table where you were sat two scary-looking blondes, a male and a female, and a sweaty, brunette giraffe who looked like he wanted nothing more than to become one with the wall and disappear completely. Despite their silence, you could tell that all three of them, even the giraffe, were going to be difficult to beat. They already had the look of hardened warriors.

The table across, however, was a different story. A small, almost-bald boy sat talking very loudly to an even smaller girl with dark pigtails, who was quick to insert her cheerful input. Next to them sat a tall boy with dark, slicked back hair who was talking quietly with his quiet, pale-haired counterpart. The way they spoke to each other made you think they must have known each other from before.

At the other end of that table was the Trost boy who had been headbutted earlier. He sat rubbing the angry-looking red mark on his head while the freckled Marco from Jinae spoke to him animatedly. It looked as though the Trost guy couldn't care less what was being said though, and ended up resting his head on his fist, looking as dejected as a lost puppy. Next to them sat a red-headed girl blushing fiercely at a tall brunette boy. All in all, they didn't seem like too much of a threat either.

Having observed all the others within your immediate vicinity, you looked to the Shiganshina trio to your right. It didn't take much to tell that the black-haired girl was going to be a serious problem. Her eyes were as hard as stone and she was obviously very physically capable. The blonde didn't look like much, but you decided that he had survived a titan invasion and deserved to be treated cautiously anyway. Then there was Jaeger.

His turquoise eyes were as bright as ever, alight with a fire that looked like a mixture of anger and determination, but his brow was relaxed as he spoke with his friends. He had a lean, slender body that had clearly developed some muscle in his teen years, and broad shoulders that supported a loose, tan tunic with ties at his throat. His skin was slightly tanned from spending time outdoors, and his dark, chocolate hair lay in a messy pile atop his head. His hands looked rough from work, and he seemed to have a habit of tapping the table.

That was when you realized he was staring at you.

His eyebrows furrowed again. "Are you sure you're alright? You still look a little pale."

You stood up quickly, taking your half-eaten dinner with you. "I'm fine. It's been a long day. Goodnight."

You were out the door before he even had a chance to look surprised.

You padded down the stairs, and stepped back onto the grass, quickly walking across the field towards the girl's dormitory you had moved your scant possessions to earlier in the day. There really wasn't much need for you; you barely owned anything worth taking with you to begin with. The only thing you cared about was the ring that sat comfortable on your right index finger.

As you entered the small dormitory room you'd be sharing with seven of the other girls, you were greeted with the sounds of soft conversation and a loud, guttural snoring.

_Oh, Amelia, give me strength._

You tip-toed past the snoring Potato Girl and made your way over to your bunk, climbing up quickly to grab the knapsack with your meager possessions before pulling the knee-high boots off your legs and depositing them neatly beneath the bunk bed. You sighed in relief. _It's gonna take me a while to get used to this whole 'shoes' thing..._

The small blonde and tall brunette were talking quietly in one of the bottom bunks in the corner of the room, in their bedclothes, clearly having already showered. You pulled your bag down and carried it swiftly to the locker rooms in the back of the dormitory. You really wanted nothing more than to take a shower as well and call it a night.

If you were being honest with yourself, you were quite excited at the prospect of a real, working shower. You'd never used one before, and were shocked (and pleased) to hear that the military had full access to entire _rooms_ of them. You even heard that each dorm room had it's own locker room! You smiled in excitement as you opened the door.

It fell off your face as soon as you saw that none of the showers had any sort of barrier. It was just a square room with a few stalls for toilets (thankfully, _those_ had doors), a pair of sinks that sat before dirty mirrors, and a long wall of thin, metal lockers. On the wall opposite from that was a row of four shower heads. So you'd have to shower naked with the other girls.

You knew it was too good to be true.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, you stood before one of the foggy mirrors in your nightclothes. You were happy that at least this once, you got to take a shower in solitude. You knew the opportunities for such luxury would probably be rare in the future.

You rubbed away the fog on the mirror with the back of your hand, and stared at your reflection. Your skin was tinged slightly red from the intense sunlight today, and you had dark circles under your eyes from the lack of sleep. Your wet hair was pulled back, and your eyes fell to your right cheek. A long, thin scar stretched from the corner of your mouth up to your ear from that window, all those nights. You'd never be able to look at yourself again without being reminded of your failure.

With a pained exhale, you picked up your bag and re-entered the main dorm area just as all the other girls who you'd be living with were returning from the mess hall.

To your annoyance, one decided that now was a good time to commence introductions. 'After all, the eight of you would be living together for the next three years!'

_Ugh._

The ring leader of the horror show (Mina Carolina, she said her name was) was the dark-haired girl with the pigtails from earlier. The petite blonde introduced herself as Christa Lenz, and her tall companion said her name was Ymir. You noticed absently that her face was covered in freckles. The blonde, Christa, pointed to the sleeping Potato Girl and told us her name was Sasha. Again, you vaguely remembered her from registration day. The quiet redhead introduced herself as Hannah.

You recognized the pretty girl from Shiganshina, who introduced herself as Mikasa before grabbing her bag and entering the locker room. The scary blonde revealed her name was Annie, but looked none too pleased to do so, before following suite. Then the attention fell on you.

Might as well get it over with. "[Name]," you said quietly.

Mina looked positively thrilled and approached your bunk with a skip in her step. "So you're my bunk-mate!" she squealed.

You quirked an eyebrow at her, but she seemed entirely unaffected, holding out a hand and shooting you her widest smile. "Nice to meet you!

You noticed a familiar spark of hope in her eyes. _Amelia smiled like that, too._ You gave her a half-hearted smile before crawling under the covers. "Yeah," you said, yawning. "You, too."

Mina's expression didn't change in the slightest at your lack of enthusiasm as you hid your face beneath the blanket. "Goodnight, [Name]!" she chirped, before grabbing her own bag and heading off to the locker room with the others.

_Finally,_ you thought, as your eyes drifted shut. _Goodnight, Amelia._

Within seconds, you were fast asleep.

* * *

Walking up the next day felt like hell. Your face and chest were tight and dry from the sun yesterday, and peeling in some spots. Your skin was incredibly sensitive as a result of living underground and away from the sun for the first fourteen years of your life, and the consequences of that were really starting to show. Even the year of working in the field didn't help all that much.

You groaned when you sat up and your bones cracked audibly. Stretching like a cat, you jumped down and quickly changed into your uniform. Several of the other girls were still sleeping, Annie and Sasha among them. Mikasa was already in her uniform and stretching, and you could hear the distinct sounds of chatter coming from the locker room.

_Okay,_ you thought fiercely. _Day one._

* * *

Turns out 'day one' was going to consist of an awful lot of conditioning exercises and running.

You were all seated in rows in front of the Instructor, who was directing you into certain stretches to loosen up your muscles. It seemed like no one but a few of the girls were very fond of this warm-up. You certainly were not one of them. You didn't see how holding your leg above your head for x amount of seconds was useful in any way to killing titans. You could think of a few things it might be useful for, but you doubted the military held any things such as that in high regard.

You chuckled softly at your own joke, causing Hannah to give you a strange look from your right, as she tried (and failed) to stay balanced on one foot.

You would have laughed aloud if you could have seen Eren fall on his ass three rows behind you.

* * *

It was good, at least, that you'd spent the entirety of your childhood running, so you at least had a leg-up (you chuckled again to yourself) when it came to the running. You were towards the front of the group and barely breaking a sweat when you heard a pair of heavy boots approaching you.

"Hey," Eren said between breaths, moving at a crisp speed to come up beside you.

"Hello," you said curtly, picking up the pace and darting ahead of him.

"You know, you could at least try and be civil. We _will_ be training together for the next three years," he called sternly, jogging more quickly to catch up to you.

"As far as I'm concerned, you're competition. Nothing more," you shot at him, without so much as a glance in his direction.

"Isn't that a bit lonely?" he asked, sounding genuinely curious.

Mikasa silently jogged up next to Eren and slowed, maintaining his pace with the straightest of faces.

You huffed at this. "Unlike some, I don't need a group of sycophants following me around to make me feel good about myself," you said haughtily, increasing your speed again and moving to the front of the group.

Even if he were able to move that quickly, Eren would have let you go ahead without him.

God, you put a bad taste in his mouth.

* * *

You were all winding down from the harsh day of exercises in the mess hall when Eren approached you again. You had been seated on the railing in front of the building, adjusting your boots. Sina, were they uncomfortable on your feet.

"What's your problem?"

You looked up at him from your boots, a single eyebrow raised.

"Excuse me?"

"What's your problem?" he repeated. "You've been nothing but hostile to me and everyone else since we got here."

You scoffed, straightening your back and looking him in the eye. His pretty, turquoise-colored eye. "I told you, Jaeger," you said coldly, hopping down from the railing. "I'm not here to make nice. I'm here to get in the Military Police."

His eyebrows furrowed even deeper, if that were possible. "That's bullshit, and you know it. You intend to not make a single friend for the entire three years we all train together? You're just going to sit alone every day, and eat alone and train alone and go to bed without talking to a single person, every day? For three years? Do you really want to be so isolated? Don't you care about _anyone_?"

His words struck a chord within you and you felt a twinge of pain. "I did," you forced out. "I've been alone since then, and it hasn't done me wrong yet."

You started away from him then with stiff limbs, wanting out of the uncomfortable subject.

Eren's soft voice stopped you dead in your tracks. "If you've lost someone, then you should know what it means to appreciate what you have while it's still there."

You looked back at him, all the hostility gone from your face. "What I've learned, Jaeger, is that you can't lose what is never yours to begin with." You turned away again, but didn't move. "It's a dangerous world we live in. I refuse to get attached to anyone else, only to lose them in some horrific way... you should understand that."

To your shock, your words didn't seem to anger him. He looked at you seriously. "That's where we differ. I lost someone, too. I lost them horrifically. But I won't distance myself from everyone as a result. I learned to take nothing and no one for granted, and let those I care about motivate me to become a better person. And every day, I become better."

You sighed, facing away from the boy completely. "You're right, Jaeger," you said softly as you began walking away again.

He could barely hear your next words, but sadness rung in them as clear as the green of his eyes.

"_That's where we differ._"


	4. Chapter 3: Belief

"Christa, who do you think is the most attractive?"

The petite girl blushed furiously at the question, looking at her tiny feet dangling over the edge of her bed. "I - I - I really don't know," she stammered. "I've never really given it much thought. I really just like everyone."

"Oh, come on!" Mina drawled, throwing her head back dramatically. "Don't be such a saint! We've been here for weeks! There must be _someone_ you like especially well. Or at least someone you find to be better-looking than the others!"

Christa looked positively alarmed. She didn't want to have to choose a favorite. This was just like Christa; she made it a personal goal to be kind and helpful to everyone, no matter what the personal cost. She'd been this way since day one, sacrificing her own dinner to help poor "Potato Girl" who'd been unlucky enough to attract the instructor's ire.

The price she was paying for not picking favorites now was Mina's full, undivided attention. And incessant badgering.

This sort of girl-to-girl bonding had been happening more frequently lately, to the displeasure of everyone in the 104th girls except for Mina. She seemed to think that forcing each of us to spill our guts about things we'd rather keep secret was a surefire way to get all of us to become stronger as a whole, creating a better 'team dynamic'. Mina was always spouting something or other in favor of becoming stronger as a team.

"She likes me," Ymir cut in, throwing herself down on the bed beside Christa and wrapping a slender arm around her shoulders. "Don't you?"

Christa giggled and leaned into her friend. "Definitely. I'd say Ymir."

Mina frowned. "No fair! We're talking about the guys!"

Christa's high laugh died down. She paused thoughtfully, before finally giving in to Mina's prodding. "If I had to pick a guy, I'd say Reiner. But that _doesn't mean I like him_", she clarified, blushing fiercely. "He just seems like a really nice guy."

Mina looked satisfied at this answer and giggled. "He definitely likes you! You two would make an adorable couple! Imagine the little blonde babies!"

If it was possible, Christa flushed an even deeper shade of red. Ymir's face darkened with something akin to murderous intent. Every ounce of it was directed at the host of this little 'slumber party'.

Mina decided it was a good time to turn her attention to someone else before she incurred the wrath of the freckled demon of the 104th Trainees Division. Her face lit up with curiosity. "Annie! Who do you like?"

Annie glared at Mina silently, shooting daggers with her eyes.

Mina quickly took the hint and withdrew nervously, searching for her next victim. Annie was the sole exception to the 'team dynamic' Mina was always happy to say was developing nicely. No matter how hard she tried, or how nice she was, Annie was never receptive to her questioning. A loner down to her very core, the steely blue gaze of the girl in the hoodie never failed to make even _you_ uneasy. And you grew up among the gangs and crime syndicates of the underground district. Annie truly was something else, and as competent as she was, you weren't entirely sure that fact was a good thing. When it came down to it, the blonde scared you out of your wits.

You were pulled away from your thoughts by a loud _bang_. "[Name]!" Mina called cheerfully, brunette pigtails bouncing as she rapped on the boards above her bed. "Who do you think is the best looking?"

You peered from over the edge of the top bunk where you sat, raising an eyebrow at your bunk-mate. "I don't like anyone," you replied, turning back to continue folding your uniform.

Mina jumped from her bed and grabbed hold of the edge of the top bunk, pulling herself up to the chin and looking at you innocently. "Come on! Who's your favorite? You _have_ to have a favorite."

You gently placed your folded shirt down before looking at Mina with an expression of complete severity.

"Instructor Shadis."

"Ew!" Mina shrieked, laughing. "Come on, [Name], please?" You were silent, so she continued. "How about Eren? I've seen the way he looks at you!"

You froze, halfway through folding your standard issue trousers. "Why would you say something like that?"

Mina practically flew up into your bed. You pulled back, nearly falling off in the process. If looks could kill, Mina would be titan shit by now. "Don't act like you haven't noticed! He always has this funny look on his face when you're around."

"Yeah," you agreed. "It's called _anger_. We haven't exactly gotten along, Mina."

She looked positively affronted. "Don't be silly! Eren's always angry. We know what his angry face looks like. The one he gives you is different."

"Doesn't look any different to me," you said curtly, moving your laundry out of Mina's overexcited way.

Mina pouted. "Humor me! What do you think of Eren?"

Your lips fell into a frown at her eagerness. "Jaeger's a suicidal bastard running headlong towards an early death," you said with forced calm, resuming your chore.

_Why did she have to bring up Jaeger, of all people? Even talking about that dolt Kirchstein is preferable..._

"Maybe... but that doesn't mean you can't like him, does it?" she asked coyly, waggling her eyebrows.

You gave her a tired look, and didn't reply. Realizing she wouldn't be getting anymore from you, she gave you a wide grin and dropped back down to her own bunk.

"Hannah! Who do you think is the best?"

"...Franz, I guess..."

The sound of Mina's excited squeals were drowned out by your thoughts on her words, and a familiar voice echoing in your mind.

_I let those I care about motivate me to become a better person._

You never even noticed Mikasa looking at you curiously out of the corner of her eye.

~

"CADETS! Today we begin 3DMG training! DOUBLE-CHECK YOUR GEAR, AND THEN CHECK IT AGAIN. We will start with a balance assessment!"

You wiped the sweat off your brow as you stood towards the back of the group, adjusting and readjusting your already-uncomfortable harness. The straps dug painfully into your skin, but you hadn't yet developed any of the rumored bruising you'd heard so much about. You hadn't had much use for the strapping yet in your training, but Shadis said that you must wear it each day, as you'd be wearing it every day until you were finally, mercifully swallowed whole by titan. The man certainly knew how to raise morale.

_Too bad I'll never get close enough to a titan to get eaten,_ you thought smugly.

Top ten. You just had to make it into the top ten.

You finished tightening your leathers for at least the fourth time, before twisting your ring off your finger and depositing it safely into your pant pocket.

_Bring it on._

You moved your way to the front of the crowd, watching the other trainees having varying degrees of success during their own balance assessments.

You stifled a giggle as you saw Eren fall forward and bash his head on the ground. Hard.

Shadis eyes shot towards you and narrowed dangerously.

"[SURNAME]."

You squeaked embarrassingly and jumped, throwing your fist into a hasty salute. "Sir!"

"RESPECT YOUR COMRADES, [SURNAME]. THEY ARE YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS-IN-ARMS, AND THEY ARE THE ONES WHO WILL COVER YOUR ASS WHEN THE TITANS COME KNOCKING."

Your face burned as the eyes of the other trainees fell on you (you distinctly noticed a pair of bright greens looking up at you from their location on the ground), and you looked at Shadis meekly. "Yes, sir."

His eyebrows knotted together and he looked at you fiercely. "Go assist Jaeger with restarting his balance assessment. If I see you laughing again, you will run laps until your lungs collapse and you never laugh again."

"Yes, sir." _I wonder if it's possible to melt into the ground and disappear?_

"Get to it, [Surname]," he grunted before walking towards Armin, who seemed to be struggling with his balance.

You sighed and walked quickly towards Jaeger, keeping your eyes on the ground.

My brother-in-arms?

"Jaeger," you said dully as you approached the boy, cranking the contraption to ease him onto the ground. "Unclip your harness. You need to reset."

He looked at you upside down with a scowl, before reaching up and snapping the small metal clips off, falling to the ground with a soft _thump_, the dirt fanning out beneath him.

You walked over to him, tentatively offering a hand to help him to his feet. He gave you a dirty look and struggled to a standing position on his own. "I don't need your help."

You returned his glare. "Fine! I was trying to help. What happened to being 'civil'?"

"I tried that with you. Didn't seem to take," he spat, dusting off the back of his trousers. "Besides, you only care because Shadis chewed you out. For _laughing_ at me."

You tried to keep the look of shame off your face, but failed. "...I know. And I'm sorry."

He seemed to appraise you for a moment, before grunting a 'fine' and re-securing his gear. "I'm ready. Let's do it again."

You nodded and made your way back over to the crank, rotating it slowly and watching as Eren's straps tightened and he slowly lifted off his feet.

_Crack!_ You cringed as he fell forward sharply, smashing his forehead against the ground.

"Jaeger!"

He groaned into the dirt

You slowly lowered the boy down and jogged towards his still form. "Jaeger, are you alright?" You knelt beside him, and gently rolled him over onto his back. "Shit," you cursed quietly.

Blood streamed down his face from a shallow cut on his temple, and his eyes were unfocused. You waved your hands in front of his face, but he didn't respond.

"Jaeger, come on, look at me," you said, worry taking over your tone. You shook his shoulders lightly, and his eyes flicked to you, still not completely lucid.

"So... pretty..." he muttered quietly, attempting to lift a hand. It fell back to his side heavily.

You blanched. "Come on, Jaeger, it's not funny. Snap out of it!"

Eren giggled. _Giggled._

So, naturally, you slapped him.

He jolted. "Urggh, get off me," he grunted, pushing you away. He seemed to think better of it, though, grabbing your arm and pulling himself up into a semi-sitting position. "I can do it. I'm fine. Let's start again."

"You're bleeding," you pointed out, red traitorously sneaking it's way to your face. _Did he call me pretty?_

He glared at you from his place on the ground, resolve evident in his turquoise eyes. "I can do it."

"Don't be an idiot, idiot," you said harshly. "Your head is bleeding. You should get medical attention."

He gave you a look of poison.

You growled in frustration and stood up quickly. He lost his grip on your arm and fell back against the ground. "You want to do it again, fine! But find someone else who's willing to help you kill yourself. I'm leaving."

"Fine!" he shouted, trying (and failing) to lift himself off the ground once more.

"Fine," you said cooly, marching away.

~

It had been about an hour since your conversation with Eren, and finally, it was almost your turn for your assessment.

"You know, he's really not all that bad."

You looked beside you to find the owner of the voice. "Huh?"

"He's more... intense than many of the others here, but he has a good heart," Mikasa continued in a quiet voice. She looked at the struggling boy fondly. "He hates it when he feels like a failure, and he's got a bit of a temper so sometimes he takes it out on others. But he is a good person and he cares about people. Sometimes it's just hard to tell."

You looked at her quizzically. Mikasa rarely spoke, and when she did, she always had a purpose. Honestly, you respected the girl.

"Why would he endanger you and Armin then? You're easily one of the best soldiers here. You could join the Military Police. Asking you to follow him into the Legion -"

"He never asked that of me," Mikasa interrupted gently. "I choose to follow him."

You'd never heard anything more shocking in your life. Over the course of the weeks you've spent in the military, you learned that Mikasa was Eren's adoptive sister and a part of his family. You knew that Mikasa was loyal to him. You just never expected her to be willing to literally throw away a life of comfort and luxury to follow him into hell. Willingly.

Your words were almost impossible to hear. "Why would you do that?"

Mikasa did not hesitate in her reply. "Because I believe in him, and he believes that we can win. But in order to win, others need to believe, too."

With that, she strode away to see her brother, who had finally given up on his assessment and sat dejectedly on the ground. He looked almost like he could cry, if he wasn't so completely dazed by the numerous hits to his head.

~

You gasped as your feet lifted off the ground, hovering for a second before becoming uneasy in your balance. You drew your legs up a little, bending at the knee, and held you arms out to steady yourself.

The wires stopped jerking and you were suspended, perfectly still, in midair.

You grinned triumphantly, gracefully maintaining your posture in the strange contraption. Shadis walked over to you, appraising your form. "Nicely done, [Surname]," he said sternly, before continuing his rounds. "Maintain that posture for several more minutes and then you'll be let down."

You experimented a bit with your suspension, leaning forward and straightening your legs, moving forward slightly before swinging back. You pulled your knees up to your chest and leaned all the way backwards, gracefully completing a midair somersault, your harness clinking quietly, before coming to an upright halt and grinning.

"Hey! Awesome job, [Name]!" you heard a high voice call from your left side. You rotated in your harness to see Mina with a smile, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration as she struggled to keep upright in her own harness. Her smile struck familiar with you again, and you heard the familiar voice ring through your head, as it had so many times in the last year.

_Don't let this change you._

Because you're more than just a thief.

Promise me you'll see the stars.

All this time, you've kept yourself in complete darkness. You deprived yourself of the light that Amelia had always offered you, the light of love and companionship. The light that so closely resembled that of the stars that shone in the sky at night.

You realized that you hadn't taken a moment to appreciate their beauty since the morning that you registered for the military.

You'd allowed your grief to change you. The warmth from her light had faded away, leaving your heart encased in hard ice.

Suddenly, the voice changed. A deeper, impassioned one took over, each word driving straight into your heart.

_I won't distance myself from everyone... I learned to take nothing and no one for granted, and let those I care about motivate me to become a better person._

Jaeger, you idiot. What have you done?

You felt some of that ice that surrounded heart for so long begin to melt, and you basked in the warmth of a fire burning as brightly within you as the phoenix emblazoned on your ring.

You returned Mina's hopeful smile, and her face literally lit up.

"You're doing great, too," you said quietly.

Mina had never looked happier.

~

Later that evening, you were sitting with Mina in the mess hall. You were starting to become rather fond of the irritatingly cheerful, pigtailed girl. As you sat, chewing on your bread, she chatted animatedly with Sasha and Hannah, who were each laughing at something the smaller girl had said. Now that you were thinking about it, most of the people you had met so far... weren't that bad. Even Kirschtein had his good qualities. You thought that maybe, eventually, you could learn to care about them as Brothers and Sisters-In-Arms. Maybe even as friends.

You were pondering this when Eren, Mikasa, and Armin came in through the front door.

Eren looked awful. He had a bandage wrapped hastily around his head, slightly damp with blood. His eyes were glazed over, and Mikasa had to lead him by the arm over to their usual sitting place. He seemed to not notice or care about anything around him.

Deep in his usually bright turquoise eyes, though, you could make out the beginnings of panic.

If he didn't pass the balance test, he would be forced to return to the fields.

He would be heartbroken, you realized with surprise.

You didn't want to see his eyes colored with that emotion, you realized with even more surprise.

Heavily, you got up from your seat, pushing the rest of your dinner over to Sasha, who squealed happily and declared that you were her favorite recruit before digging in savagely.

You made your way over them, and sat down next to Armin, across from the green-eyed boy.

"Hey, idiot."

He blinked at you blankly for a moment, before his eyes fell back into focus and met your own with a look of confusion.

"What?"

"If you go out to the assessment site after dinner, I'll try to help you stay upright. I can't promise anything, but I'll try."

He recoiled sharply, almost knocking his tray off the table. Mikasa caught it quickly, pushing it back into place with a scolding frown at her brother.

"Why the hell would you do that? After today?"

You sighed. Truth be told, you weren't even sure why you wanted to help the suicidal bastard. If he passed the exam tomorrow, you may as well be condemning him to certain death at the hands of titans. But you looked quickly at Mikasa, and saw her calm eyes observing you curiously.

You sighed. "Quite frankly, there aren't enough soldiers like you. It'd be a shame to send you home. That's all."

He looked, if possible, even more confused.

_Did he really hit his head that hard or is he actually as stupid as I thought?_

"What do you mean, soldiers like me?"

You became slightly frustrated, and tilted your chin up at him. "If you don't want my help, then -"

"No, no!" he said quickly, looking alarmed. "You looked like you had the hang of it today. I... I would like your help."

You nodded quickly, standing up again. "Okay. Meet me at the site then."

You turned to leave the mess hall, but were stopped once again. "Hey, wait!"

You looked at him over your shoulder, eyebrow raised.

"[Name]... thank you."

You nodded again and turned, walking quickly towards the exit.

You hoped fiercely that he didn't see your blush when he said your name for the first time.


	5. Chapter 4: Fly

You had been impatiently tapping your foot at the assessment site for ten minutes before Eren, Mikasa and Armin finally showed up. You let out a sharp breath of relief - for reasons you couldn't fathom, you had really hoped that he wouldn't come out to see you alone. You weren't sure if you knew how to handle a situation like that.

You could hear Armin muttering quietly to his friend, "...so get along, okay? She's trying to help."

You snorted derisively, turning your head away to glance out over the lake. It glimmered like diamonds in the moonlight, you noted with interest. _Wish you could be here, Amelia._

Eren walked slowly towards you, stopping about five feet away. Mikasa and Armin stood a little further back, talking quietly with one another.

"Couldn't come without your handlers, huh?" You knew it was low of you, but you wanted to gauge his reaction.

He looked at you though his dark bangs with a stubborn, slightly irritated expression on his face. "I'm sorry about how I acted earlier. I know you were just trying to help."

You noted that his apology sounded rehearsed, and your eyes narrowed, before forming into a slight smirk. "It's understandable. To be fair, I _did_ laugh at you," you said sweetly, batting your lashes at the tall boy.

His expression softened and he chuckled. "Well, I'm sure it was quite the sight, me hanging upside down like that."

You couldn't help but be reminded of what he had said after he hit his head earlier.

_"So... pretty..."_

Hey, focus! Don't let him get to you!

"Okay," you said quickly, turning around to face the balance machine, all the blood in your body seemingly rushing to your face. "Let's get you hooked up."

After a few minutes of clinking and securing Eren's gear to the large contraption (in complete silence, to your relief), he was good to go, and Mikasa stood poised at the crank to raise him up from the ground.

You faced him and crossed your arms, surveying him quietly. "Okay, Eren. It's easier to stay balanced when you evenly distribute the weight of your body between all of your limbs. You can't try to hold yourself up with just your legs like you would if you were standing, because your center is in your waist."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Eren asked, alarmed.

"Just... try to use your arms and legs equally, okay?" you instructed slowly.

Eren still looked terrified, but seemed to understand.

You looked at Mikasa and she nodded, slowly twisting the crank. Eren's wires tightened and you saw him slowly start to lift off. You stepped forward, spotting him. "Now, hold your arms out to steady yourself. _Try not to jerk,_ Jaeger, you'll lose control!"

Eren whipped his arms outwards, causing his wires to spasm and his body to begin tipping forward. You threw your hands up to catch his shoulders before he hit the ground, squeaking when you just managed to hold up the brunt of his weight. He looked at you in shock, before realizing just how close he had gotten to your face and pulling away slightly.

You realized, even in the darkness, that his eyes even had hints of _blue_ in them.

You cleared your throat and straightened Eren up, talking in a calm and professional voice, trying to mask your unease. "You have to calm down, Jaeger. If you panic, you'll definitely fall."

He _has to calm down? _You_ need to calm down,_ you scolded yourself mentally.

"You _can_ call me Eren, you know. Everyone else does."

Your eyes widened and your face further heated up, but you chose to ignore his comment. You steadied him in his harness and looked at him seriously. "Just don't panic, okay? We're gonna try again."

You let go and took a step back, watching as Eren's entire body tensed and his brows knotted together in intense concentration.

"Good... good. Now use your arms to keep yourself balanced and... wait... _no!_"

You managed to dart forward to catch him again, bumping your forehead hard against his in the process. You felt the pain bloom within your head and even saw stars. "Shit!" you yelped, letting go of Eren and clutching your forehead.

You forgot to take a step back.

Eren continued his fall forwards, his head landing squarely in the crook of your neck. You grunted in pain and threw your arms around his back, trying to keep him from falling any further.

"Um... [Name]..."

You looked down towards his voice and realized what was happening, straightening him up quickly in the harness, one hand on his side to keep him upright.

Eren's eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his nose was scrunched up.

Armin chuckled from a few feet away. Even Mikasa looked like she might be enjoying herself a little more than her normally stoic face let on.

_Ah, fuck. This is going to be a long night._

~

An hour and no success later, the four of you decided that is was probably best to finish up for the night. No matter what you tried or said, it seemed like Eren wasn't going to improve much. The boy was lowered to the ground with a sullen look on his face, and you felt your chest tighten.

You couldn't believe it, but you felt badly for the boy.

Armin and Mikasa stood around watching Eren as he began to unhook himself from the mechanism, and Mikasa started forward to assist him. His eyes shot up at her, alight with anger. "Just go. I can do this by myself."

Mikasa and Armin looked at each other uncertainly for a moment before reluctantly starting off towards the dorms, talking quietly. You lingered behind, watching Eren as he finally became free of the wires and began to loosen the uncomfortable straps of his 3DMG gear.

You wanted to say something, but really didn't know what. You doubted there were any words in the world that could make the boy feel better right now. His lifelong dream was so close, and he was about to lose it at step one. Goodbye, Scouting Legion.

As stupid as you thought he was, you couldn't help but admire his determination. His bravery, even.

"You don't have to wait either. Go."

You were shocked out of your thoughts by Eren's voice. He managed to sound calm, but you could hear the underlying pain. "I'll wait," you said quickly.

"Why?" he asked, unclipping the harness on his left hip, letting the clamp drop to the ground.

Why _did_ you want to stay? You weren't even sure yourself. You still didn't even really like this guy, you just...

"I wanted to talk you."

"What could you _possibly_ have to say to me?" he snapped, fumbling with his other clamp.

The words escaped you before you even had the chance to stop them from leaving your mouth. You should have felt embarrassed, but strangely enough, you didn't. "You have to pass tomorrow."

It was too dark to really see, but Eren looked angry. "What do you mean, 'I have to pass'?"

Oh, yeah. Definitely angry.

You took a deep breath, harnessing the rest of your courage. "There's... no one else here like you, Jaeger. No one anywhere. There's no one else who even comes close."

He scoffed and dropped his other clamps, stepping away from the mechanism with folded arms. He stared you down. "Meaning that I'm the only one interested in joining the Scouting Legion. You're saying I need to stay so that you can continue to live your comfortable life?"

You narrowed your eyes at him, crossing your own arms as he approached you. "Comfortable life, my ass. That's not what I'm saying and you know it. I meant that there's not a single soldier here with half the purpose that you have. If they even have a purpose at all."

"That includes you?"

The question surprised you. Your eyes fell, along with your arms. You turned away to face the lake once more, seeing the reflections of the stars on the still, glassy water. "No, I have a purpose of my own."

"And what would that be?" His voice was gentler as he stepped towards you.

You almost wanted to answer harshly and tell him to mind his own business, but ultimately decided against it. You weren't sure why, but you answered him. Truthfully. "To keep a promise."

His eyebrows quirked at you curiously, turquoise eyes lighting up with interest. "What promise?"

You turned away and started walking back towards the dorms. "I won't say."

His nose crinkled and he jogged up behind, but he didn't remark on your less-than-indulgent answer. "So someone made you promise to join the Military Police?"

_Nice try, Jaeger._ You picked up your pace. "No."

Unfortunately for you, he managed to maintain your speed without much effort. "Then what?" he asked, coming up to walk beside you.

You shot him a look, slowing down a bit once you realized he wasn't going to let up. "I won't say," you repeated.

His face fell into a look of disapproval, and maybe disappointment. "Then why even bring it up?"

You looked at him apologetically. "I... this isn't about me. What I was trying to say is that if anyone has the will to make a difference, it's you. So you need to pass."

He laughed dryly. "Well, thanks. But I can't pass if I don't even have the skills necessary to stay upright." He stopped for a moment and turned around, his head falling into his hands. "_Fuck!_"

You halted abruptly, looking back at the boy. You walked over to him, feeling... awkward. Your hands felt heavy, and you didn't know what to do to help Eren as he had a breakdown in front of you.

Then you heard it.

The tiniest, faintest of sniffles.

You put your hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently. "I know you can do it. Like I said, there's no one else here like you. You'll find a way."

He looked up at you with red eyes. "How do you reckon I'll do that?"

You smiled at him, letting your hand fall to your side. "Through sheer force of will. I know that if anyone can do it, it's you."

He nodded uncertainly, wiping his eyes cautiously. "Don't tell anyone that about this."

Not a demand. A plea. Just like you had asked him your first night in the military. You nodded. "I won't."

You realized then that you and Eren were standing in between the men and women's dormitories.

"...[Name]?"

You looked at Eren curiously. "Yes?"

"Why _do_ you want to join the Military Police?"

You looked at the ground, wringing your hands together nervously. You didn't want to approach this topic. It was getting a little too... close to home. "The Scouting Legion aren't the only ones who can help people."

He seemed to consider this quietly for a moment. "So you want to join the Military Police to... help people?"

Your voice gained confidence and you stopped playing with your hands. You remembered that night, and all the years before it, suffering because of the negligence of the Police. "Yes. They're corrupt. They need to change."

Confusion colored his darkened features. "But you're from Jinae, right? How do you know anything about the Military Police? They don't usually leave the Capital."

You remembered the _bang_ and Amelia's single, quiet grunt before hitting the ground. You remembered the splash of crimson and the potato falling to the ground. You could feel the shard of glass cutting into your cheek. You absentmindedly lifted a hand to your scar, running a finger along the raised, bone-white skin. "...they came to my district once on business. They shot a killed a thief, a little girl."

Eren was silent for several seconds. When he finally spoke, his voice was weaker than you'd ever heard it. "...that's horrible."

Your voice was devoid of all emotion when you answered. "Yeah."

"Did you know the girl?" he asked quietly.

"No," you blurted, cursing yourself for sounding harsher than you intended.

Eren looked at you with concern, reaching a hand forward and touching your arm lightly. "[Name]-"

You pulled back as if he had burned you, speaking quickly and with finality. "No, I didn't know her."

He looked hurt, but didn't say anything more on the matter. "Okay."

You cursed yourself for your immediate reaction. _Still pushing people away, [Name]?_

_Amelia didn't want that._

"Why do you still want to join the Scouting Legion? After Shiganshina?"

His pained expression transformed into one of rage, and a green fire burned behind his eyes. "The titans took everything from me. I won't stop until I kill them all."

You thought for a moment. "Do you really think you can do that?"

He took a step closer to you, eyes still flaming. "I don't care if I _can_. I'm going to try. I'm going to put my heart and soul into eliminating them, one-by-one, and I won't let anything stop or distract me. Do you really think you can change the Military Police?"

Your expression matched his own and you stepped closer, now standing practically nose-to-nose with the green-eyed soldier. "I won't stop until I do."

He nodded slowly. "Okay."

You returned his gesture. "Okay."

You stared at each other in the dark for a moment.

His gaze fell. "Do you really think I'll be able to pass tomorrow?"

You looked at him fiercely. "I believe that more than anything. You'll figure it out."

He smiled at you. You weren't sure if you'd ever seen that expression on him before. Especially not directed at you.

You liked it.

"...Thank you, [Name]," he spoke quietly, eyes meeting yours.

You froze, shocked by his gentleness. "I... you're welcome... Eren."

You rapidly turned to walk towards your dorm, a small smile creeping its way to your face.

"You said my name."

You stirred up a little dirt as you looked over your shoulder at him. "I did," you agreed flatly.

There it was again. That smile. "You're really not as cold as everyone thinks you are, huh?"

You glared at him, crossing your arms. "Shut up, asshole. Don't let it go to your hard head."

"Alright," he laughed. "Goodnight."

Your sneer evaporated and you chuckled softly with him. "Goodnight."

~

Eren smiled to himself as you walked off towards your own dormitory.

_She said my name..._

His eyes widened and he shook his head, wiping the back of his hand across his eyes, desperately trying to rub out the image of you smiling from his troubled mind.

_Focus, Eren. Now is not the time for that._

You were an anomaly, that's for sure. He'd never really met anyone quite like you, just like you had said about him. You were set to join the damned _Military Police_, just like Kirschtein, but... Eren felt like you weren't there for similarly selfish reasons. His thoughts wandered to the strange, long scar that marred your cheek.

You weren't like the other people who grew up in Wall Rose. Marco was from Jinae, too, but he couldn't have been any more different. He was so warm and kind, so open to everyone and you... well, you were not.

He'd never met anyone more guarded, and that included even Mikasa. You weren't as quiet as Annie, but... you exuded this unapproachable aura. Almost like you were wearing a sign around your neck that read, "Do Not Touch".

It made Eren all the more determined to get close to you. To get to know you. To see that smile light up your beautiful features again and again.

_Beautiful? When did I start thinking that?_

He mentally slapped himself for thinking such a thing as he quietly slipped into the men's dormitory, shutting the heavy door behind him with a soft _click_. He knew he should shower, but he was too tired. He'd just shower in the morning. Instead, he dressed down into his boxers and crawled up into his bunk.

"Eren?" He heard a voice from the bed below.

"Yeah, Armin?"

The soft voice spoke up through the board of the bed. "What are you going to do about tomorrow?"

Eren paused for a moment, thinking back to the look on your face when you told you that you believed he could do it. That you believed in him.

_She believes in me._

"I'm going to pass," Eren answered resolutely. "I need to."

~

The next day began without much deviation from the usual. Mina woke you up at dawn and you showered and changed into your uniform. You gently woke up Annie, who grumbled at you but reluctantly got out of bed, before you went outside and commenced your own, personal stretching routine. This morning, unlike usual, Mikasa joined you. You didn't mind the company, and she didn't say a word. When you both finished, she got up and silently made her way to the assessment site for the final balance test. You followed behind her in equal quiet, getting in line at one of the balance machines.

You passed your test without a hitch. You were even praised by Shadis again, which was a pleasant surprise. It wasn't often that one of the Cadets got praised by your ill-tempered instructor. Regardless, each of you respected the man. You feared him, too, yes; but the past few weeks had caused each of you to harbor a strange affection for the strict man. Reiner once even jokingly referred to him as 'Papa Shadis', drawing a laugh from the other recruits. Even you had to smile at the blonde brute's nickname.

You quickly unhooked yourself and touched down lightly on the ground, making your way over to the mechanisms on the far edge of the field just in time to see Eren's own assessment begin.

Slowly, you watched Eren's feet lift off the ground. His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes narrowed in concentration. He caught your eyes.

You smiled at him confidently, mouthing the words, 'You can do it'.

He nodded and straightened up a bit in his harness, reaching the top of the lift. He lifted the arms at his sides, leaning forward a bit, distributing his weight.

He didn't falter, and he didn't fall.

You could have cheered, but decided against it. Instead, your smile widened.

That's when you noticed something was wrong. Eren was wobbling uncontrollably in his harness, despite his steady movements. You could tell he was trying desperately to hold on and not panic. Just like you told him.

Something clicked on his belt and he fell forward, smashing his head on the ground with a sickening _crack_.

He pulled himself up onto his elbows and stared at the ground, absolutely heartbroken.

You were right about what you had said the night before. You _didn't_ like seeing his green eyes flood with heartbreak.

"No," he whimpered as Shadis approached him slowly. "No, not yet! I'm not ready! I was just getting started..."

Shadis looked at him sullenly before lifting his gaze up to the blonde boy controlling Eren's crank. "Wagner," he said. "Give your belt to Jaeger."

Surprised, the boy, Wagner, snapped into a sharp salute. "Yes, sir!"

Eren stood tentatively on his feet while Wagner removed his gear, handing it to the taller boy once he finished. You noted the look of confusion on both boy's faces. Soon enough, Eren was hooked up to the machine again, decked out in the new belt.

Slowly, Wagner cranked the machine. Eren's feet left the ground.

And he floated in the air steadily, never once disturbing his perfect, even balance.

"You had faulty gear," explained Shadis. "Your clasp was warped and useless. I've never seen this part break before," he said thoughtfully. "It's a wonder you were able to stay in the air at all with this belt."

You heard the rustle of shocked and awed whispers around you as the other cadets marveled at the boy on the machine.

"So he managed to do it even with broken gear..."

"How did he _do_ that?"

_Through the sheer force of his will..._

He looked at you from his spot in the harness, and a triumphant grin lit up his features. 'Thank you,' he mouthed.

You nodded, feeling happier than you had in a year.

~

You shot your anchor into the next tree and felt the pull of your wires yank you in that direction, pressure on your upper and middle back from the leather straps tightening painfully around your entire body. Even with the pain and discomfort, you can't remember ever feeling so light, so... _free_.

_Holy mother of Sina, am I glad I left the Undercity!_

"Woohoo!"

You turned in your harness towards the voice, shooting your next anchor, as a blur shot past you, whooping cheerfully. You barely managed to catch a sight of bright green eyes.

You grinned mischievously, picking up the pace and catching up to the blur.

"Eren! Don't start thinking you can beat _me_!"

You howled in excitement as you shot your wires above his head, soaring over him with ease.

"Not so fast, [Name]! Aha!"

The two of you raced each other, screaming taunts back and forth, laughing raucously.

He glanced quickly at you, grinning widely. "Thank you!" he yelled.

You smirked. "For what? I didn't do anything! You had bad gear."

"No, really," he called over the wind. "I was ready to give up, but you convinced me to keep trying."

You scoffed. "You'd have kept trying anyway!"

"Maybe!" he conceded with a grin, pulling forward. You rushed to keep up. "But it would have sucked a whole lot more without you."

You shot him a grin, landing your next anchor in a large tree a ways ahead. "Well, then, let's just say that you owe me!"

That wiped the smile right off his face. "No way! That's not what I meant!"

"You said it yourself, it would have sucked without me! However will you pay me back?"

He scowled, but the expression was only half-hearted. "Fine! I owe you!"

You laughed, zipping quickly in front of him. He recoiled in alarm as you dipped in front of him. "That's what I thought, idiot!"

"I'm not an idiot!" he yelled, following after you.

You smiled back at him. "Yes, you are!"

You were too busy grinning at him to notice the oncoming tree until you hit it.

_Shit._

You thought you heard someone call your name before darkness swallowed you.


	6. Chapter 5: ABCs

You faintly remembered thinking that, _wow_, your head hurt like _hell_.

So went the many pre-waking thoughts that floated through your mind as your lay on the scratchy, uncomfortable surface. Many of them contained cuss words and pertained to your persistent, intense discomfort, but they were there nonetheless.

Among these intermittent thoughts, you dreamed.

The dream wasn't new, in any sense of the word. In fact, this dream was a recurring nightmare that you'd been having frequently ever since you left the Undercity that day over a year ago. In the three months you'd been in the Scouting Legion, though, its frequency seemed to be dwindling. Occasionally, you would be woken up by Mina's frantic shaking and hushed reassurances (which you would never admit, but you were grateful for), but compared to the year you spent in the fields, the nightmare came rarely. Maybe you just slept more soundly because of how blatantly overworked the recruits were during the day, but you doubted it. You thought that the dream had faded for a much simpler reason.

You were happier. You had found your purpose.

But right now, that dream was back.

It started like it always does. You were running through the Undercity, wood and glass cutting into your bare feet, sweat

streaming down your face like a hot rain. Your chest heaved in strain and your throat burned, but you wouldn't stop moving. You couldn't.

The alley you were in didn't end. It never did. You just ran and ran, panting painfully, dodging the heaps of old plywood, broken bottles, and other garbage that threatened to trip or maim you with every step. Dirty sewer water dripped onto you from high above in the empty black. Despite the fact that the passageway seemed to stretch on into a dank, dark eternity, you pushed forward.

Because what else _could_ you do?

You left a trail of bloody footprints in your wake. That was when you heard it, as you always did.

"[Name]?"

Your blood froze in your veins and you skidded to an immediate halt, debris shredding the bottoms of your feet. You felt agony shoot up your legs, and grunted in excruciating pain.

"[Name]? Where are you?"

You began to run again, ignoring your body telling you to _stop, please, stop_, and managed to put on an inhuman burst of speed, flying through the alleyway like a crazed bird.

"Please! It's dark!"

You finally saw the hovel at the end of the alleyway. You weren't sure when it appeared; each time, the building materialized out of nothing, and before you had time to react, you were slamming into the door, throwing your hands up to cushion your impact.

You heard a whimper from behind the heavy, waterlogged wood.

"...help...me..."

You threw the door open savagely, stepping through and facing the dirty, empty room. A single wooden door stood at the other side of the room. You ran forward and nearly destroyed it with your force.

Another empty room. Another door. You passed through in a manic frenzy.

"...[Name]..."

Another room.

"No..." you cried.

Another room.

"Amelia!"

Another.

"Amelia, I'm here!"

Another.

Another.

Another.

"Amelia, _NO!_!"

"[Name]! It's alright, it's alright, you're safe... I'm here..."

You looked around the empty room wildly, searching for the source of the different voice. _Who...?_

"[Name], it's alright... just breathe... it'll be alright..."

Your eyes flew open.

The first thing you registered was the blinding white light, and the strange weight enveloping your head. Something warm was on your cheek, another gripped your hand tightly. You realized your face was wet, and then... you realized that your entire body was in intense, agonizing pain.

You cried out, bending in on yourself and moving to cover your eyes. Before you could go very far, someone moved their hand from your face and grasped your shoulder, gently pushing you back down. "Relax... you don't want to strain your body more than you need to... please, relax. It's alright."

You did as the voice said, closing your eyes and drawing a few long, deep breaths. Finally, after your heart rate and slowed to something that resembled normal, you opened your eyes and tried to focus on the figure in front of you.

Turquoise.

"[Name], how are you feeling?" Eren asked, clear concern lacing his tone.

You stared at him, confused. What did he mean? You tried to think back to your most recent memories...

_Oh, yeah. The tree. Damn it, that's embarrassing._

You rolled over onto your side, shooting him a glare.

Eren's face paled. "[Name], I'm sorry... I... I know it's partly my fault -"

"Partly?" you yelled, turning to face him again, before wincing and gripping your side. _Well, shit. That doesn't feel good._

Eren's hands flew to your sides in a panic. "Please, calm down! You have bruised ribs. You don't want to move around too much. It'll hurt for a few days."

You scowled, slapping his hands away, in turn causing yourself more pain. "Thanks to you," you spat at the brunette.

Eren's expression darkened and his eyes lit up with that familiar green fire. "Hey, you know, I wasn't the _only_ one racing in the woods!"

"[Name]!"

You were both interrupted by a shrill yell and a pair of pigtails storming into the room like a tiny, lethal hurricane. You sighed. "Mina. Hi."

"Oh, [Name], I'm so glad you're awake! We were all really worried!" She came to your bedside in a hurry, practically shoving Eren aside.

You smiled gently at her. "Thank you."

Eren rolled his eyes.

You glared in return.

"And here I thought we were getting along _so well..._"

You snorted and folded your arms across your chest - _no, that hurts, gonna put those down again..._ "That was before you distracted me when I was practicing 3DMG maneuvers and caused me to get into an accident."

Eren gaped. "_Distracted_ you? _Caused an accident?_ What, are you delusional?"

Mina, caught in the middle of a very intense staring contest, decided that then would be a good time to gracefully take her leave. "I... well, I'm going to go tell the others you're awake, [Name]. They'll like to know. I'm happy you're alright!" she squeaked.

You two barely even noticed the door click shut quietly behind her.

"I didn't mean to _'distract you'_," Eren gritted out reluctantly. "I just wanted to have some fun. I'm... _sorry_."

You lifted your nose at him. You were going to make another snippy remark, but... if he was trying to be nice, you _guess_ you could try too. Not that you liked it. "It's alright," you replied airily. "I forgive you."

You both sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, you in your bed, he in a chair situated besides it.

"Who's Amelia?"

You blanched.

"I've never heard the name before," you answered quickly, cursing yourself for your immediate reaction to the name.

"Then why were you saying her name in your sleep?" Eren questioned with a slightly irritated look on his face.

"She was just someone I knew from my childhood. That's all." You inwardly praised yourself for sounding nonchalant.

Eren didn't fall for it. His face fell into an expression of worry. "You know, I get nightmares."

You avoided his gaze, feeling more vulnerable than you had in all the years you'd spent growing up in the underground district, without proper clothing, exposed to the elements and the evil people therein. You didn't want to go _there_, but you could tell by the tone of his voice that there was no stopping him.

"I've had them ever since I was ten. Ever since Shiganshina," you looked up at him through still-damp eyelashes, willing your pained expression off your face. You failed. "My mother died. She was taken from right in front of me. I watched her..." Eren cleared his throat. "They've gotten better as time went on, but sometimes, when I close my eyes, I still see it... I see her getting eaten right in front of me. All over again."

You looked at him worriedly. "Eren, you don't have to -"

He interrupted you gently. "No, please. Hear me out."

You paused for a second, but nodded your consent. "Okay."

He looked away for a minute, but gathered his courage and continued. "The dreams, they're horrible. They take away every scrap of hope I have in me. The only comfort I've ever found in them is having somebody to listen to me once I've woken up. At first, it was just Mikasa. She would come and sit with me and talk, or just listen, until we both fell back asleep. Sometimes now, Armin will too. I'm grateful to them for it."

You didn't know how to respond. You were really just shocked he was telling you any of this to begin with.

"What I'm trying to say is, if you need someone to listen, I'll always be around," he finished in a rush. "Or... you could ask Mina, or someone else, if you want. It was just a suggestion. The tips of his ears were tinged pink in embarrassment.

You were at a loss for a word. "Thank you, Eren. Really."

"Yeah, well, it's no big deal," he said quickly. "But, for the record, I... I'm glad you're okay. You know." Eren's face turned a shade of red that you would have teased him about under any other circumstances.

Fortunately for him, you weren't really in the mood. Instead you gave a wan smile to the blushing boy.

"I am, too. And thank you."

~

A day later, you were allowed to leave the infirmary. You had been visited by a few of the girls, Mina, Sasha, and Christa (with a reluctant Ymir) mostly. Occasionally, Eren, Mikasa, and Armin would stop by and talk for a little bit. But all in all, you hadn't had too many visitors. You weren't shocked by this - the only people you had gotten to know at all were the girls in your dorm and Eren. You were well aware of your handicap when it came to forming friendships.

Sometimes you regretted it. Now was one of those times.

You were told from Shadis that you had one more day exempt from training (not without having a few 'stupid's and 'immature's thrown your way first, obviously), and you gladly made your way back to your bed. Your chest and ribs hurt, but it was manageable.

The weather today was nice and cool, being early fall now. The months of training during the summer were brutal, so you were pleased to finally have a bit of a reprieve from the battering sun and heat.

Until next summer, that is.

You breathed in heavily, appreciating the scent of the nature around you. It was such a nice change from the stench of death and garbage that you had grown up with, pungent and stagnant, inescapable. You thought you might never get old of this smell, though. The smell of life.

You finally arrived at your dorm, quickly entering and visiting your bunk. You noticed with surprise that your old uniform had been cleaned and folded neatly on your pillow case. You smiled. Mina really was very thoughtful sometimes.

You grabbed the clothes and ran to the washroom for a shower. It had been at least two days since your last one, so you knew you were overdue. Throwing your bag on the counter, you gingerly removed your civilian clothes from your worn, tired body. You stopped when you noticed what lay beneath.

Dark purple, yellowing bruises speckled your ribs and chest until they disappeared down into your pant line, but that wasn't what drew your attention.

The ladders of criss-crossing marks across your chest and sides. The bruises from the 3DMG older cadets and soldiers spoke of.

You weren't quite sure why the marks affected you so deeply. You knew that all soldiers got them from the extensive 3DMG usage, but... somehow, this made your reality seem more... _real_. You had only been practicing with the 3DMG for a few days before the accident, and already, they were becoming a part of your body, even when naked. It began to sink in that you really had joined the military.

You'd really gone from a thief, to a soldier.

_You're more than just a thief._

With a small, sad smile, you finished undressing and got into the shower, washing away the remnants of dirt, grime, and unhappy thoughts.

~

It was finally here. The day you had been dreading for, well... since you decided to join the military.

The first day of 'theoretical training'.

Now, you knew that sitting in a classroom could hardly be as taxing as the daily training (more commonly known as _torture_) you had endured. Many of the recruits seemed to feel this way and looked forward to when theoretical training in the classroom would start to take up your mornings rather than the endless laps Shadis forced upon you.

Maybe you would have felt this way, too, in another life. Unfortunately for you, in this life, there was one, teensy, tiny, _little_ problem.

You had never learned to read. At all.

This was a fact that shamed you to no end, but you had been able to get away with it so far in your training. You knew now, though, that you would have to learn - and _fast_ - if you wanted to be sure that no one found out about your past. About your origins.

You _had_ to find a way. There was no other option.

And so, there you sat, on a cramped bench between Mina and Marco, trying desperately to instill a meaning in the mostly meaningless scribbles on the chalkboard before you.

You were so frustrated you could cry.

You tried desperately to listen to Shadis and make it look like you were taking real notes, like everyone else. What you were doing instead was feverishly attempting to scribble down whatever he happened to write on the board, so caught up in your fruitless task that you didn't even notice what was being said. Occasionally you would grunt in frustration, and Marco would look at you with a concerned expression.

Once Shadis finally dismissed you and instructed you to return your papers to your dorms before running laps for not paying enough attention, you looked down at the markings on your piece of paper.

_Yeah, looks convincing enough,_ you thought, smiling triumphantly as all the other cadets exited the classroom.

All but one.

"You can't read, can you?"

You looked up in shock at the freckled boy, grin erased completely from your face. "Yes, I can!"

He smiled good-naturedly at you, and an apologetic expression clouded his kind features. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound so rude, but... you aren't from Jinae, are you? It's a pretty sparse district, and I'd never seen you before we joined the Corps."

You stared, slack-jawed, at the boy in front of you.

This is it. Game over. Time's up.

You scowled. "Fine. I guess you'll tell Shadis I lied, then?"

Marco looked absolutely horrified at the idea. "Gods, no! I was just - I noticed that you were having a hard time with taking the notes, that's all. It looked like you didn't know what they meant."

You looked down at the mess you had made on the paper. You were grateful that the rest of your classmates left and weren't present to hear your conversation with Marco. You sighed in defeat. "You're right. I don't know how to read."

Marco looked at the paper thoughtfully for a moment. "Where are you actually from?"

Your eyes fell to your feet and your shoulders slumped. "I... grew up underneath Wall Sina. In the underground district."

Marco's eyes widened, and you noticed the flecks of amber in the deep brown. "It's true, then? People actually live there?"

You grunted. "Yeah. And it's hell. But... please don't tell anyone. They'd throw me out. Or in jail," you pleaded, an edge of desperation to your voice that would have mortified you if your situation wasn't so dire.

Marco shook his head. "I wouldn't. I won't. But why would they arrest you?"

You looked up at him in surprise, relieved, but answered solemnly. "The orphans in the Undercity have to steal to survive. Until I joined the military, I was one of them. I'm technically a criminal."

Marco looked shocked to hear this. "That's awful! They don't have any support system for the children?"

Well. _That_ wasn't what you expected to hear from the young man when you told him of your track record. "Yeah. I only took what we needed to live, but... they still caught on eventually. Fifteen years of stealing will do that."

Marco looked confused. "'We'?"

You didn't want to discuss this, but you'd already spilled that much. Might as well put the nail in your proverbial coffin. "My sister and I. We grew up there together."

"I see," he said seriously. He looked to you. "Where is she now?" he asked gently.

Your expression melted into one of sadness. "She died just over a year ago."

Marco fell silent for a second. "[Name], I'm sorry."

You both sat in the quiet, thinking.

"I'll teach you how to read."

You didn't think you heard him right. You were grateful enough that he claimed he wouldn't turn you in, but this...

_Why would he just do something like that for you without even knowing you?_

You voiced this question to him, and he laughed lightly.

"Because I think that you coming this far after having lived such a difficult life is admirable. Talk about a phoenix rising from the ashes," he chuckled, giving you a warm look.

You cocked your eyebrow. "What?"

Marco flushed a little. "Oh, sorry, it's just something I read in a book once. It's a bird who, when it dies, goes out in a burst of flame. Then it rises again from the ashes of its previously life to start again. It's a symbol of rebirth... of new beginnings."

Your eyes lit up and you dug the ring out of your pocket. "Like this?"

Marco looked stunned, but nodded, appreciating the small piece of jewelry. "Yes. Exactly like that. Where did you _get_ that?"

You shrugged, admiring the small, golden trinket. "I have no idea. I think it must have been my mother's."

He smiled. "[Name], I want to help, if I can. Please."

You looked at him hopefully, not caring to sensor the look on your face. "You would... really? You meant it?"

His expression didn't change. "I meant it. I'll teach you how to read."

Your hands fell to your sides, limp relief, and you would swear up and down later that you definitely _didn't_ want to cry on that bench.

But you totally _did_.

"Marco... thank you."

Maybe making some friends wouldn't be as hard or as bad as you thought.


	7. Chapter 6: I Think You're Okay

"Wait, this squiggly... it _is_ an 'n', right? I keep getting it mixed up."

"'M's have two bumps. You're right, that's an 'n'."

"Oh. Okay."

You scribbled down the next letter furiously, tongue peeking out from between your teeth in concentration. You leaned back once you finished and observed your work, laying your pen down on the wood beside it. "There. 'Titan'."

Marco grinned at you happily. "Excellent! I didn't even need to correct you this time! You're really getting the hang of it."

You smiled back shyly. "I am. Thank you again, Marco."

You and Marco had been practicing your reading together for several months now. It was difficult at first, trying to meet without looking suspicious. After the first month, however, the two of you had worked out a system of meeting in the classroom early, before all the other cadets arrived for morning classes.

You got together for your lessons only two or three times a week, but all the same, getting up a few hours earlier than the others took its toll on you and the freckled soldier. Especially in sparring, when you would be mercilessly pummeled by one of the other cadets. You could tell that Marco suffered, too, but he would never say anything about it. It made you feel even worse about being the cause of his lack of sleep when you noticed him one day being bested by Armin, who was easily one of the worst in sparring. Distracting him from his goal of serving the king wasn't the best way of showing your gratitude.

You were grateful to him for more than just the lessons, though. Being friends with Marco was the best thing that could have happened to help your relationship with the other members of the 104th trainee corps. You could hardly consider them 'friends' yet, but they at least started to interact with you more, which made you very happy. As the Old Man used to say in the Undercity, you had dug your grave and needed to lie in it, but you were glad that the trainees were more forgiving concerning your initial cold treatment of them all. Marco's warmth and kindness to you seemed to not go unnoticed by the others, and day by day, you found yourself building relationships with each of them, even the blunt and horse-faced ass named Jean Kirschtein, who, you had learned, seemed to have a thing going on with your tutor that you found a little... adorable, for lack of a better word. You'd never say anything about it, though. Marco was keeping your secret, so you would faithfully keep his.

You had begun to seriously reconsider keeping your distance over the last few months of winter. You'd never have admitted it to him (or ever yourself), but you knew that Eren's words about not taking what you had for granted that first night in the military really resonated with you. Maybe it was entirely his speech, or maybe it was the fact that you had begun to grow rather fond of the others, or maybe it was Mina's steady, relentless encroaching upon your personal life. Maybe it was just Marco's shocking and unfaltering kindness.

Honestly... you didn't know what it was. All you knew was that you didn't want to spend whatever time you had left on this miserable world living a life to match. Even with monsters straight out of the depths of hell knocking on your doorstep and the scum of the universe festering beneath your feet, happiness _was_ possible. And you intended to find it.

First, though, you needed to learn to read.

"Okay, next word... 'Maria'," Marco dictated with a soft smile.

You nodded, picked up your pen, and turned back to your rapidly filling notebook page.

"'M'... 'a'..."

The next half an hour was spent attempting to rewrite yesterday's notes, read aloud by Marco. As it turns out, you were incredibly apt to learning once you knew what to do. Marco said you might even have an intelligence to match Armin's, but you thought he was just saying it to make you feel better. You couldn't help but remind yourself that, even if you did have the same level of intelligence as the blonde boy, he still had 15 years of learning under his belt, while you had a mere few months. Your intelligence would be doing no one any good.

Still, though, you learned to read rather quickly. Unfortunately, seeing as you could only get in a handful of hours a week, it took several weeks for you to learn the basics, a few months to be able to read. Once you could read fluently, Marco had begun to teach you to write. This was more of a challenge for you because you had never written before, but slowly you were picking it up. You noted, with pride, that your writing did not look much worse than even Marco's.

Nonetheless, you were glad that springtime was well underway and more training would be taking place outside rather than indoors once the heat returned. As much as you had improved since your private lessons, reading and writing was still taxing for you.

_Click. Click. Click._

You looked up with a start, hurrying to close your notebook with your thoughts interrupted when you heard the faint echo of footsteps approaching the classroom. Marco looked equally alarmed, stuffing his books into his knapsack with feverish panic.

You had been caught arriving early a few times by other cadets, but each time, it never failed to make you nervous. You didn't want to be caught so many times that any of them began to suspect anything, but until then, no one had seemed to noticed anything awry. Mostly they just chalked it up to you and Marco being early birds. You were more than happy to let them think so, but it didn't stop your heart from racing at the sound of the approaching person.

Your face paled when you saw who it was.

Bright green eyes narrowed at you suspiciously, stopping in the doorway. You looked at him sheepishly, trying to appear as absolutely innocent as possible, halting in your quick job of hiding your notebook. It half-hung out of your bag, more than a little conspicuous, and Marco marched quickly to the back of the room, dropping a pen and several papers along the way.

_Great. This isn't awkward at all._

You smiled calmly, trying to ease the tension in the silent room.

Unfortunately for you, this seemed to have a different effect upon Eren. He snorted, throwing his own bag over his shoulder, and made his way to the bench at the front of the room that he usually shared with Armin and Mikasa. He took out his notes and began to read silently, his eyebrows furrowed dangerously and his cheeks burning a dark red color.

You and Eren hadn't really spoken since the 3DMG incident too much. It wasn't something that you thought either of you had done on purpose, but you were busy with your lessons and Eren was busy planning to eradicate every titan and you just assumed that being as busy as you both were had caused you to stop talking.

Busy. Right.

Eren seemed to react more coldly to you now, you thought resignedly. You weren't quite sure why. You thought the two of you had ended on a pretty good note after the accident, considering your history with the boy. Still, that was months ago, and now his eyes hardened and his body tensed whenever he so much as looked in your direction. Any attempts at conversation were met with complete silence and dismissal. You noted grimly that he seemed to be on better terms with Jean than with you, despite the boys' unending rivalry. You hated to admit that you didn't like that small fact. At all.

You quietly observed the boy, annoyance lacing your emotions. You didn't notice that his eyes never strayed from a single spot on the center of the page as he pretended read. The three of your sat in silence until the rest of the trainees arrived.

* * *

The lesson passed without further incident. You even managed to write down most of the lecture (with a few mixed up letters, of course) without much trouble. Marco patted you on the back reassuringly once Shadis dismissed you all, and you began to pack up your things.

Your instructor's deep voice hollered out from behind the desk, "Return your books and commence stretches out on the field. We'll be sparring today."

There was a collective, quiet groan amongst the departing trainees. Shadis glowered from his perch at the head of the room, before grunting and exiting through the sliding doorway with the rest of the milling students. This unanimous disapproval was present whenever you practiced anything that didn't involve 3DMG, so Shadis had given up on scolding you all for your 'laziness'. You thought he just learned that the whining was an unavoidable factor in dealing with a bunch of teenagers.

You quickly jogged your books to your dorm, chatting with Marco and Jean along the way, and then arrived at the field with the rest of the girls you live with, completely outfitted with your uniform and gear. You barely noticed the weight of the straps on your body anymore, and the laddered bruises were as much a part of you as your skin.

Shadis promptly had you each lined up, and began calling out names to designate who would be sparring with who today.

"Braun and Springer... Ackerman and Arlert... Lenz and Fubar... Braus and Bodt... Teaz and Zermusky... Kirschtein and Ymir... Jaeger and [Surname]... Carolina and Leonhardt..."

You groaned. You noticed a certain boy echoing the reaction from several places down the line. As Shadis finished calling off the names, the line broke apart and cadets met up with their partners. Eren strode over to you, glowering.

You glared back, insulted by his reaction. "Jaeger. You're looking rather chipper today," you quipped shortly.

He grunted, unamused, his eyes made of steel. "Let's just get this over with."

He shot forward before you had time to register and you caught his biceps before he made impact, the two of you immediately locking into a tense brawl. You grunted in pain at his tight grip on your skin, knowing that you needed to find a way out of this lock and quickly, or Eren would surely overpower you. Your knees slowly began to buckle as he pushed, your arms shaking slightly at the pressure.

_Well, shit._

"Come on, [Name], tired from your little early morning meeting today?" Eren snarled, squeezing your arm harshly.

You yelped and managed to spin out, twisting his wrists uncomfortably as you extracted yourself from his hold on you. "Shut up, Jaeger," you growled, arms raising in front of your face defensively.

"'Jaeger'? I thought we had moved past using surnames?" His tone did not match his teasing words. Instead, he sounded harsh and mocking. He swung his fist out at you clumsily, and you avoided it with ease, leaning back and landing a swift hit to his abdomen. He grunted in pain.

"I thought so, too," you shot back, jumping out of the way of a low kick. "Apparently not."

"A shame, that," he said brusquely, following you as you backed up, fists clenched angrily.

You felt your anger at his attitude and the last few months of being rejected by him boiling over viciously, and fiercely swung your arm out at him like a club, yelling, "Just shut up and fight!"

You realized your careless mistake when he easily caught you mid-swing and twisted your arm around so you were forced to rotate and have your back to him to avoid your arm being ripped out of its socket. He grabbed your waist and pulled you flush against his chest, wrapping an arm around your neck, and growled in your ear.

"Gladly... _[Surname]_."

You shivered at his breath on your ear and the feeling of his warmth on your back, gripping his thick bicep as you tried desperately to escape him yet again. He refused to relent, and you howled in frustration.

"What's the matter?" he growled. You dug your short, blunted fingernails into his arms, but he didn't notice. "This is about the only skill you may ever need in the Military Police, and you can't even get out of this hold? Pathetic. Looks like you won't be able to keep that promise you mentioned before after all."

His words burned in your mind, and you began to panic, shocked by his cruelty.

_What's wrong with him?_

You bit down on his skin in your desperation and he yelped, rattling you violently. When he didn't succeed at shaking you off, he popped your knees outward with his own, throwing you brutally to the ground as he sauntered away, glancing at his arm. A thin line of blood trickled down from the u-shaped mark of your teeth, and you could taste iron on your tongue. He turned to look at you sitting in a cloud of dust on the ground, rubbing your throat. You glowered at him savagely as you struggled to your feet, moaning in slight pain at the strain on your back as your straightened up.

"Oh, I'm _sorry_! I'm not good at holding back," Eren taunted, striding back towards you and resuming his defensive pose.

"I wouldn't want you to," you replied, spitting his blood out of your mouth with as much force as you could muster. He raised an eyebrow at your display. You could still feel the effects from his last attack, but refused to show it to him. You wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

His smile was feral. "Of course you wouldn't. But you'd still rather spar with _Marco_, though, am I right?"

You balked at his words. "Don't be stupid, Jaeger!" You darted towards him, ducking under his swing to reach behind him, catching his arm in both of your hands and throwing him forcefully to the ground. You could almost hear the creak of his stressed joints as he landed harshly onto his back.

"Ouch, shit!" he swore, reaching up and trying to grab your hands. You swung your leg over his torso and put all of your weight on him, effectively pinning him to the ground beneath you.

You leaned forward so that you were almost nose-to-nose with the angry brunette. "I'm not good at holding back either," you gritted, pressing hard onto his arms, forcing them into the pebbled ground.

"Then don't!" he grunted painfully, powering out of your hold and grabbing your shoulders, throwing you onto the dirt behind him. He leapt up nimbly, spinning around and throwing a punch, which you narrowly dodged, arms raised protectively in front of your face.

"Come on!" he barked. "I would hate for your early morning meetings to affect your admission into the Military Police with other fucking_cowards_ like you!"

Something inside of you snapped, and you hurtled towards him with a yell.

Your fist connected with his face, but you were also met promptly with a swift kick to the ankles and a hit to the face. You regained your balance, clutching your throbbing eye, and backed away a bit from the fight to assess the damage. Nothing seemed to be bleeding or broken, you thought with relief, but the skin around your right eye and cheek felt uncomfortable tight and you could still taste Eren's blood on your lips. You looked up at Eren through the fading pain.

He wasn't as lucky. Blood ran down his face from an obviously split eyebrow (courtesy of the ring you didn't take off), but his expression hadn't changed from before. He looked just as determined, just as intense, and just as angry.

"THE POINT IS TO SPAR, NOT PUMMEL EACH OTHER TO DEATH."

Shadis' bellowing voice caused both of you to jump and be pulled away from your stare-down. You looked around you with a wide-eyed expression when you saw that Shadis and most of the cadets had come away to watch your brawl. Eren wore a similar expression of surprise.

You imagined that you and Eren must have made quite the sight, panting heavily and covered in his blood. You saw Annie observing you coldly, next to an obviously concerned Mina who clutched at the fabric on her chest. Mikasa looked slightly irritated (you noticed with relief that it was directed solely at her brother), and Armin had a look of worry. The others had varying looks of concern, and some amusement. Marco just looked downright shocked.

You looked at your feet in shame.

"BOTH OF YOU, TO YOUR DORMS. NEXT TIME, TRY TO CONTROL YOURSELVES AND NOT TEAR EACH OTHER APART."

"Yes, sir," you said meekly. You heard Eren's likewise reply to your right.

"DISMISSED."

You moved to return to your dorms as the other trainees dispersed, but you were pulled back by a rough hand on your arm. You spun around to come face-to-face with Eren.

"This isn't over. Meet me here after lights out and we'll finish this."

You scowled at him and shook free, showing him your back. "Fine."

He stood there for several moments, watching you leave, before leaving himself.

* * *

You impatiently finished the rest of the day, showering in solitude and tidying up the dorm a bit before attending dinner. You sat with Mina, Christa, Ymir, and Sasha as usual. Thankfully, they all decided not to mention the sparring match from earlier or the blackening bruise on your right eye, and you could eat in a blissful silence. You refused to look at the corner of the room where the three from Shiganshina normally sat.

After dinner, everyone returned to their respective dorms. You managed to sneak into the covers with your uniform on without anyone noticing, and then sat in silence until you finally heard the telltale sounds of seven other sleeping girls. You quietly slipped out of your bunk and out the front door of the small cabin without any of them noticing and headed to the field with fire on your mind and in your heart.

Eren was already there waiting for you, with a sour look on his face. "It's about time."

You wasted no time in falling into your defensive stance. "Just get started. I want to get to bed."

His stance resembled yours as you both slowly began to circle each other. "Right. I'm sure you're getting up extra early tomorrow."

You shot daggers at him with your eyes, stepping around the dirt carefully. "It's none of your business."

"Oh? But it's Marco's?" His voice strained as he raced towards you, fists lifted.

"He has nothing to do with this," you replied, quickly dodging him and pivoting to face him again.

He scoffed. "What, are the two of you fooling around or something?"

"No," you growled defensively. You attempted to trip him as he charged again, but he leapt over your extended leg while trying to grab you, which you avoided.

"Didn't know he had it in him," he mocked harshly.

"Go to hell," you gnarled.

He ignored you, and didn't make any further attacks. "I don't understand what you see in him," he said disapprovingly.

It was your turn to scoff, arms lowered. "He's better than _you_, at least."

Eren didn't respond, but snapped into action once more and swiftly punched your ribs. You bent over, holding your side, and looked up at him through your loose hair. He grabbed at it with rough hands and threw you onto the ground. You squeaked in pain, trying to defend yourself, but he was sitting on your chest and pinning your hands before you knew what was happening. You realized grimly that this was a reflection of the hold you had on him earlier, and regretted teaching him this certain technique. You wouldn't be able to break out of it like he did. You weren't strong enough.

"Then?"

You looked up at him from the ground. "Then what?" you asked sharply, struggling beneath him.

His eyes narrowed at you. "Why did you even come out here?"

You ignored the question, jerking your hands. They didn't budge, so you pulled up your knees and attempted to kick him, but couldn't get high enough. You were stuck. You ceased fighting. "Get off me, you cow!"

He didn't relent. "Why did you come?"

You grunted, frustrated. "Because you told me to!"

He shook his head, eyebrows drawn together. "You didn't need to. Why did you come?"

You stared at him, unmoving. "Get off."

"No," he said promptly.

Your scowl deepened and you tried to sound like you had some dignity, but failed. "Jaeger! Get off!"

"Say my name."

"..."

What now? You weren't sure you heard him correctly.

_He wants me to say his name?_

"What?" you asked unintelligently, confused.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll let you go if you say my name."

You fumed at him. "No."

He sighed. "Come on. How hard is it?"

"Fuck you, _Jaeger_," you spat.

He growled and jerked your shoulders, digging you further into the ground and resting all of his weight on your chest. You gasped, not in pain, but discomfort, and struggled in vain again to free yourself from his bruising grip.

"Say. My. Name." he said with more authority than you thought he was capable of.

You had enough, and finally started to yell. "Why _should_ I? What is your _problem_?!"

He yelled right back at you, the facade of calm falling off his face. "I _hate_ it when you call me Jaeger. We've been here for almost a year, and I'm the only one you still call by last name!"

He looked like he could hit himself for giving in and telling you what his problem was, but tried to hold your gaze with what little pride he had left. You turned your head away from him, ready to dismiss his accusation, but he held you tight.

"No! I _talked_ to you! I told you things I never told anyone else! Not Armin. Not Mikasa. So you run and go make friends with _Marco_, and I'm still just 'Jaeger' to you?"

"I already said, Marco has nothing to do with -"

"Don't," he cut you off, sounding drained. "I don't want to hear more lies. I want you to say my name. Like before."

"Why does it matter so much to you?"

You peered into his darkened, turquoise eyes. He looked at you resentfully, staring at your face for a few very silent, but somehow very _loud_seconds. You were about to give up and break the tense stalemate, closing your eyes in resignation. Something brushed against the side of your face, over your scar, and your eyes shot open. His expression was one of mixed despair and disgust.

"I'm so sorry," he said brokenly, one hand touching the side of your face. Whether he was talking about the scar or the black eye, you weren't sure. "I'm sorry," he repeated, body falling over yours pathetically. His head fell next to yours, and you froze, utterly confused.

"Are...are you okay?" you asked uncertainly.

"I didn't want to hurt you. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you. Gods, I'm so fucking stupid."

You could hear him talking lowly into your ear, but it sounded more like it was to himself than to you. You remained silent and listened.

"I just... I got so angry. I wanted you to look at me like you look at him. I thought I had finally gotten through to you, and then you just... stopped. You're always pushing me away." His voice raised the slightest bit, and he pulled away to look you squarely in the face. "Why? Why do you do that?"

You couldn't find the strength to speak and stared at him mutely. He looked away.

"Before I knew it, we stopped speaking and you were sneaking into the classroom early every morning with him. Right after I told you... about my nightmares," he whispered, looking uncomfortable. "I thought I scared you away when you realized how broken I was. And even if I kept telling myself not to care, I did. I cared. I still care. A lot," he admitted sheepishly. "You make me crazy. You're all I can think about. I keep wondering what I did wrong, and I can't focus on my training, and... fuck, you're just such a distraction!" he yelled, slamming his fist down on the ground beside your face. You yelped once in fear before falling silent, staring at him above you with wide eyes.

He blanched at your reaction and looked like he was ready to cry, holding his hands up in submission. "I... shit. Gods, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry," he pleaded, leaning back and sitting on his heels at the bottom of your legs.

You sat up slowly, pushing yourself upright with your hands until you could kneel in front of him.

_What now?_

Acting on something purely instinctual, and before he could say anything else, you wrapped your arms around his torso and pulled him to you, hugging him tightly. You were shocked by how natural it felt to hold him. You heard him gasp quietly into your hair at your action.

"Eren, you idiot," you said softly.

He pulled back and looked down at your with shocked green eyes. "Huh?"

You tentatively grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm sorry, too."

A look of confusion painted his features. "Why?"

"For pushing you away," you explained. "I didn't... I don't do it on purpose. And I don't think you're broken. Far from it," you confessed, blushing. "I just... I've never been good at making friends. I'm mean and cold and..." It was Eren's turn to remain quiet as you continued. "I'm the one who's broken. If you get too close to something broken, you're bound to get hurt by it. Like cutting your finger on shattered glass. You were just the one unfortunate enough to get too close to me."

"But... Marco?" he asked.

"Marco offered to help me study. Plus, it's impossible not to be friends with Marco," you said matter-of-factly.

He actually laughed a little at that, some of the tension draining from his handsome face. "That' a fair point."

You both fell into silence after that for a few moments.

"You know, I... think you're okay," Eren said softly.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't think you're mean or cold or broken. I don't think you're anything other than amazing."

You didn't want him to know how much it meant to you that he said that. "So... I'm 'okay'?" you asked slyly.

Eren blushed furiously. "Shut up."

You laughed quietly, still sitting on your heels. "I think you're okay, too. Idiot."

Eren laughed, then fell silent. "...Truce?" he asked shyly, holding out a large, tanned hand to you.

You stared at it in confusion for a few seconds before returning your gaze to his own. You gripped his hand tightly, shaking it with a grin on your face. "Truce."

His grinned wickedly as he held tightly to your hand and pulled, effectively throwing you into his arms. He wrapped them around you and squeezed tightly, knocking the breath out of your lungs.

"Thank you," he whispered.

You smiled and wrapped your arms around him.

* * *

_Two Years Later_

"[Name]!"

You turned as you headed out to the field, walking backwards to face the owner of the voice. "Yes, Eren?" you called.

You heard a deep voice shout a greeting and turned to wave as Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie walked by, Reiner grinning, Bertl smiling shyly at you. Annie nodded quietly.

"You weren't going to wait for me, were you?" Eren asked indignantly, jogging to catch up with your long strides.

You smirked. "You were taking too long."

You looked up at your friend with a smile, pondering how much taller he'd gotten in the last two years. You were all eighteen now, and graduation was swiftly approaching. You could hardly even believe you had all come this far, and you had lived it.

Eren faked a look of offense. "I'm insulted. I think you're just too impatient."

You grinned, swinging your hips into him beside you and knocking him off balance, giggling as he stumbled slightly.

"Idiot. Come on, Shadis will kill us if we're late."


	8. Chapter 7: For Three Years

"Wake up, Annie!"

"Sasha, slow down. Your shirt's inside-out again."

"Come on, Annie! Time to get up!"

"Breakfast will still be there once your shirt's on right, Sash. You'll be _Shadis'_ breakfast if your uniform's not perfect. And I'll be sure to pass him the ketchup."

"Mikasa, get Annie's lazy ass out of bed? I'm trying to help Mina with her 3DMG... Mina, how do you _always_ manage to get them tangled like this? _Child._"

"Sasha, come back! That's _my_ boot, stupid!"

"Mina, move your arm up like this... Okay, you're all set..."

"...ANNIE! GET THE FUCK UP."

You yelled, shaking the sleeping girl vigorously, only one boot on and your hair a rat's nest as you barked out reminders and orders to the seven (six, now that Sasha had left to get first dibs on breakfast with Connie, as usual) other girls milling around you. For reasons far too complicated for you to understand, you had become a kind of cabin-mom to the seven trainees, taking care of them even (and especially) when they didn't want it. Mina referred to it as 'tough love'. You called her an idiot and denied it.

They were all grateful to you, though. You'd saved their asses from Shadis' wrath on more than one occasion and they knew it. Even Annie. Speak of the devil (sometimes you wondered if that saying applied to the blonde literally/i), she was still wrapped up in her blankets, which she currently had pulled up around her face. Maybe it was a fool's hope, but you expected, after three years of getting up at the same time, every single day, that Annie would become an easier riser. She did not. You were never brave enough to just take the blanket away from her, though. You tried that once, and paid for it later in the day when you were paired together in sparring.

You poked her cheek. "Annie. We're being scored today. And you're going to make me late. Again."

One icy blue eye opened up and stared at you threateningly over the covers. You did not relent.

You decided to engage alternative tactics.

"We're doing _hand-to-hand combat_..." you cooed enticingly in a sing-song voice.

Annie groaned, glaring at you, but sat up nonetheless, pushing her blanket down to her feet.

"Good. Now get ready, Shadis expects us in ten," you said with a triumphant nod, turning around and scanning the hectic room for Sasha's other boot, which you would unfortunately be wearing today.

You groaned aloud at the state of disarray the other six girls were still in. No way you'd be able to find the boot in this chaos.

"You're a bunch of infants, I swear!"

The sun shone hotly down onto your back. You had your hair pulled back as much as you could manage in order to keep it off the sticky, sweaty plain of your forehead, and your eyes narrowed in concentration as you held you arms up in front of your face defensively. You could make out a form out of the corner of your eye, prowling, but chose to ignore it for now. The form laughed as it disappeared behind you.

"Aw, come on! Hit me! Do you want to make top ten or not?" Eren called teasingly, circling around you with a lazy stride, a smug look plastering his handsome features.

"_Strategy_, idiot. I'm trying to come up with a strategy," you replied irritably, eyebrows furrowing dangerously.

"Oh, I see," Eren said calmly. Too calmly.

Suddenly, you felt very paranoid that you couldn't see him. Your paranoia was well-placed.

You let out a strangled "_oof_" as your felt your knees buckle beneath you at an unknown pressure and you started to fall towards the ground. Before you could make impact, a pair of big, warm hands gripped your biceps and hoisted you up, turning you around so you could face a couple of mischievous, turquoise eyes. Your feet hung several inches above the ground. The looks on his face was _infuriating_.

"You know, strategy doesn't do you much good if it means you take too long to strike."

You glared at him, still lifted helplessly off the ground like a scolded puppy. It took all of your self-control not to flail like a fish plucked out of a lake by a hawk. You had to try to retain what little dignity you had left. "I _know_, Eren. That's what training is for. Put me down, or I _will_strike. That big, ugly nose of yours."

He grinned at you crookedly, placing you down gently before continuing his walk around you. "Yes, ma'am!"

You could feel your cheeks heat up in some mix of embarrassment and anger, but had plenty of practice over the last two years at fighting back the rush of red that would come to your cheeks. Eren loved to pick on you when this happens, so naturally, it had to stop.

You still weren't quite sure how it had happened, but over the last years, you and Eren had become very close friends. You two still argued, of course, but there was an underlying respect and care for each other that had caused you to become nearly inseparable. You had become rather close with Armin and Mikasa as a result, as well. As much as you loved the oriental girl and the blonde genius, though, you preferred it when it was just you and Eren. When the four of you were together, you couldn't help but be reminded by the fact that they had grown up and gone through so much together, and you'd never be able to compete with that kind of bond. They never seemed to care about that and loved you like you were an initial part of their group anyway, but you couldn't help the feelings regardless.

It wasn't just the Shiganshina trio, though. You had become incredibly close with many of the 104th Cadet Corps. Seeing as you were towards the top of class and participated in more of the advanced training with the other talented cadets, you had gotten close to the other contenders for the top then. Despite your initial vow not to get close to the competition, you couldn't help but feel grateful to call each and every one of them your friend.

Everyone knew that Mikasa was going to be number one, if not close to it. Reiner, Bertl, and Annie were not far behind. You, Eren, Jean, and Marco were about even in the lineup, followed closely by Connie, Sasha, Ymir, and Christa. Armin, while he was the top trainee in classroom studies, did not have the physical prowess to make top ten, but he didn't care about that. He was going to join the Scouting Legion with Eren and Mikasa anyway.

The Scouting Legion.

Whenever you thought about the dangerous faction, your stomach twisted in fear. The very mention of their name made you feel violently uncomfortable, as if the titans themselves were making a home inside your heart. The nagging feeling of fear that tugged at your chest, though, was not for yourself, nor for the titans, and not even for Armin and Mikasa, although you did worry for them as well.

The fear, you knew, had a very specific name.

Eren.

Eren was going to join the Scouting Legion.

You heart twanged with dread. You'd known this literally since the first minute you met him. It was one of the first things he'd said to you on that rooftop three years ago. You remember asking him if he was crazy. Sometimes, you still thought he was. He was dead-set on joining the Scouting Legion and eradicating the titan threat from the world.

You admired him for his determination, but... that didn't mean you wanted him to go kill himself for the sake of humanity. The nickname "Suicidal Bastard" had spread quickly enough among the ranks of the 104th, and before the first year finished, each trainee knew him by name.

_"Jaeger, that suicidal bastard..."_

"Thinks he can kill all the titans..."

"He's not even that good..."

As time went on, though, Eren had _become_ good. More than good. It wasn't easy or natural for him. He had improved solely by the power of his own will. The difference between him and the other contenders for the top ten was very specific, and very definitive.

Eren had a _real_ purpose.

The others, as Eren had pointed out to you one day, had been honing their titan-killing skills to get as far away from the titans as possible. Eren, on the other hand, had been honing his titan-killing skills to become the best titan killer he could become, like he's been working for his entire life. He let his rage and his passion fuel him in his training, like he did in every other aspect of his life. His passion ruled his every action, and it set him apart from every other cadet.

The difference really had become obvious when you looked at his scores in training recently.

_He's so talented. He'll make top ten. Wherever he goes, Armin and Mikasa will follow. He could live out his life safe, in the interior, with Armin and Mikasa..._

With me.

You were wrenched out of your thoughts by a sharp '_twang_' on the back of your thigh, and you yelped, rotating quickly in place. Your eyes narrowed dangerously at your sparring partner. Eren sniggered and stepped back, withdrawing his hand from the strap of your 3DMG on your thigh and holding his hands up in surrender. You growled. "Did you just...?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Wait, I'm not sorry."

You tensed up and pounced, bringing your fist up for the attack. Eren laughed and dodged easily, slipping behind you and poking your shoulder. "You missed!" he whispered in your ear.

You let out a war-cry, and spun around, missing his side with your fist by a mere inch.

"Heh!" he breathed in surprise, jumping to the side. "Now you're fighting! Who knew it was so easy to motivate you?"

You took advantage of his brief distraction and swung out your leg, kicking his feet out from underneath him. He hit the ground hard with a grunt. You jumped onto his chest, knocking the air out of his lungs, and pinned his hands above his head. You grinned triumphantly down at his flushed face.

"I win."

"Shit..." he panted, smiling weakly. "You've been practicing with Annie too much."

"Hey, guys! Ready to head back for dinner?"

You both looked up as Armin and Mikasa approached, and you quickly removed yourself from Eren's chest. You observed your two approaching friends. Armin had let his hair grow out a bit as he got older, and now would usually wear it half-pulled up in the back. He had also become as tall as most of the other guys in the corps, and grown into his looks as he aged. You and the others had no problem viewing him more as a man than a boy now, despite his lack of skill in the more physical aspects of training. Mikasa had gradually gotten more and more attractive over the years, forming herself into a lovely and lethal titan assassin. She kept her hair cut relatively short around her heart-shaped face, but always left her bangs loose, which hung in front of her sharp, dark eyes that seemed never to miss a thing. Eren sat up slightly as they approached, resting on his elbows. The 'suicidal bastard' himself had gone through similar changes over the years. His hair was still as shaggy as ever. After the fight, his hair had been mussed up and a little tuft poked out in the back of his head like a duck's butt and his bangs fell into his tanned face (you noted that you needed to cut his hair again sometime soon). He had gotten taller - much taller - and his body had broadened significantly. His turquoise eyes had remained as bright as ever, though, alight with his burning determination. Eren no longer was a boy - the person before you was a man. "Is it that time already?" he asked, with an eyebrow raised.

Mikasa nodded. "You've been training for three hours."

You then noticed that the sun had gone down considerably and all of the other trainees had departed without either of you noticing. You held out a hand to Eren, and he grasped it tightly as you pulled him into a standing position. You dusted off the front of his dirty shirt. "You're a mess and you smell. Go shower. I'll meet you there?" you asked.

"Sounds good. But you need to shower, too, stinky."

You grinned and pushed him towards Armin, and he began to walk to the men's dorm, chatting amicably with his childhood friend. You and Mikasa headed out after them.

You fell a bit behind with her, as Eren and Armin led the way ahead of you. You walked in silence, staring at Eren's broad back, the straps of his 3DMG leading out of his jacket and down his back, heading to where...

You grinned evilly.

You turned to Mikasa, whispering something quickly and gesturing for her to be silent. She smiled softly and nodded. You quietly trotted up to the two boys. Once you caught up with them, you slowed to match their pace and kept on without making a sound. You reached a hand out towards Eren's (rather _nice_, you noted wickedly) ass.

You curled your finger under the strap at Eren's left thigh, pulled it as far as it would stretch, and then let it go with a loud, sharp '/isnap/i!'

The three of you practically cackled as Eren reeled in shock and squealed, reaching both hands behind himself to protect from your attack.

You were laughing too hard to accomplish much else, and Eren's face reddened in embarrassment.

After dinner, you and Eren left the mess hall to go sit outside and get some fresh air. Especially in the summer, the building got uncomfortably hot when it was filled with the mass of bodies and steaming stew, each giving off their own heat like a miniature sun. The two of you sat in comfortable silence on the front step of the hall. You stared out at the training field in the darkness, absentmindedly twisting your ring on your finger. You didn't even notice Eren's eyes on you until he spoke.

"You know, you never told me..." he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Huh?" you said, snapping out of your reverie to look at your companion.

He pondered for a moment, staring at your hands. "Where did you get that ring anyway? What does it mean?"

You smiled sadly, looking down at the bird engraved into the silver. "It's a phoenix. I don't know where I got it. One of my parents, maybe. Probably my mother, because of the size."

Eren looked confused. "What's a phoenix? Is that the bird?"

"Yes. Marco told me about it once. He said it was a symbol of rebirth. Starting again." You shrugged. "I don't know, though. I think it's just a bird."

Eren was silent for a few seconds, still looking at the small piece of jewelry. "...It's broken."

"What?" You looked at him, startled.

"Right here," he said, grabbing your hand gently and pulling it towards himself. He pointed at the tiny silver bird with a calloused finger. "There's a piece missing, like it chipped off. Its wing is broken."

You looked closely at the ring, noticing the small chip for the first time. "Aw, shit. I never noticed that before." You pulled the ring off your finger, holding it up to the light and observing the tiny blemish with a sad expression.

"I don't think it's a bad thing," Eren said, his voice quiet.

You scowled. "Why, Eren, would it not be a bad thing?"

He looked at you softly, taking your hand again, putting the ring back on your index finger. "It gives it character. Look: even with a broken wing, it's still flies."

Your eyebrows drew together, confusion etched onto your features. "Hah? What does that even mean?"

He dropped your hand and remained silent for a few minutes, and you let the matter go.

"...I don't really know anything about you."

You scoffed, crossing your arms across your chest and leaning back against the stair. "Sure you do."

He shook his head. "I don't, though. We've known each other for years, and I don't even know your middle name."

You shrugged, trying to seem nonchalant. You wanted to avoid this topic as much as possible. It was getting a little too close. "There's nothing to tell. And I don't have a middle name."

His voice stayed quiet. "Okay. But there must be _something_ you can tell me about yourself."

You froze in fear.

You wanted to tell him... you wanted to tell him so badly... but how do you bring up something like that after so long?

He would never trust you again.

He'd call you a liar, a thief, a _criminal_... you'd be forced to leave and either go back to the Undercity or spend the rest of your life rotting in a Military prison, carving lines onto the wall to keep track of the days.

As much as the idea of that hurt, the idea of Eren never looking at you again like he was now hurt even more.

He couldn't know. He couldn't ever know.

You wanted to remain calm, but couldn't help the hard edge that had come into your voice. "There isn't. My life's boring. You don't want to hear about it," you said with finality.

You were irritated, but nonetheless unsurprised when he persisted. "I do," he said, the determination you'd come to know so well flaring up in his words.

You faked a sigh, drawling, "My favorite color is -"

"That's not what I meant, [Name]," Eren interrupted, his voice taking on a scolding tone.

You glared at him silently.

"You mentioned your mother before?" he asked gently.

"I never knew my parents," you interjected shortly.

"Why not?" he questioned.

You scoffed. "Because I guess they just had better things to do than raise children. Can we not talk about this?"

He fell silent.

You thought he had finally dropped the subject when Eren lay his hand lightly on yours. "I'm sorry. I just want to know more about you."

Your eyes widened. "Why?" You cursed yourself at the crack in your voice, and couldn't control the flood of red rushing to your cheeks at his proximity.

He looked somber. "Because I do."

Your heart was racing, and you were quickly becoming inexplicably angry at Eren beside you. "But why do you _care_ about this shit?" you said, almost yelling. "In a few weeks, we'll never see each other again anyway. You're joining the Scouting Legion."

A loud pause echoed between you.

Eren started to look frustrated himself, letting go of your hand. "I know, I just... shit, I don't know, I just do."

An awkward tension spread between the two of you on the stair.

You missed the feeling of his hand on yours.

"Where did you get that scar?" he asked, gesturing to your cheek.

You knew him dropping it was too good to be true.

"I got into a fight once and was thrown into a window," you explained gruffly.

He actually laughed a little. "What kid is strong enough to throw a child into a window?" he asked incredulously.

You scowled at him. "Did I say I got into a fight with a kid?"

He shot you an astonished expression. "Then... who?"

You turned away from him haughtily. "It's none of your business."

Eren grunted in frustration and grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. "What is the matter with you?" he gritted.

Your eyes narrowed at him, and you gritted your teeth at the slight pain from his tight grip on your face.

"Let me go, Eren," you warned coldly.

"Why can't I know anything about you?"

"Eren... I said, _let me go_," you repeated, voice lowering dangerously.

He didn't, and instead kept on talking. "For three years, all you've ever done is draw me in, and then push me away. Like a fucking toy," he chuckled darkly. "For three years, I've found out everything there is to know about who you are, as a person. You're strong, and you can be funny when you want to be, and you're smart as hell. You're so, so kind, even if you don't want anyone to know it," he said, his voice becoming softer the longer he spoke. His grip on you slackened. You could have pulled away if you wanted, but... you didn't. "For three years, I've wanted to know about the experiences and stupid little things that made you who are. For three years, you have told me nothing. And for three years, I've fallen asleep every night thinking about you," he confessed, breath hitching in the slightest. "I want to know these things because I care about your life," he said breathlessly, closing his eyes tightly. "And I care about your life because I care about you."

You froze, staring at him with a wide-eyed look.

The fact that you cared for each other was a given. But there had been an unspoken rule (you were aware that your manner had been what had established this rule) to never speak of it aloud. There was a line, and Eren had just charged over at high speed. The fact of the matter was, you had never expected either of you to admit to any actual affection verbally. Yet here he was.

He had gone completely still as well, hand still on your chin, a similar look of bafflement in his turquoise eyes.

You both sat there, staring at each other silently, almost nose-to-nose.

His eyes dropped down to his fingers on your chin, and he leaned forward marginally, letting his forehead fall against yours. A mere centimeter separated your mouths, and you could feel the faint brush of his breath on your lips.

Your heart hammered so loudly you could have danced to its beat.

A loud _crack_ rang out as your hand connected with the side of his face.

"Fuck!" he swore, releasing your chin and cradling his cheek with his hand.

"I said to let me go," you explained, abruptly standing up.

He looked up at you from the ground, a pleading look on his face. "[Name], I -"

"Goodnight."

"Wait, please -"

You didn't give him a chance to finish, breaking out into a run and making a straight line for your dorm.

The last thing you wanted was for someone to see the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. Especially Eren.

_Of all the people..._

Why did it have to be the suicidal bastard?


	9. Chapter 8: Always

You sat up in your bed, groaning at the light filtering in through the window.

"What...?"

You squinted your eyes, trying to rub the sleep and confusion out of them.

You looked around you. All the other girls were fast asleep as well, in positions that looked so stiff and so deep in slumber that they may as well have been comatose. No one had come to rouse you all, as had happened each other time this had happened over training.

You hadn't awoken with the sun in three years.

Why...?

Oh. Right.

Today was it. The day before your final test. The one day in three years you each have, completely free and completely to yourselves to do whatever you wanted.

You were the only one in a hundred cadets who was not excited about this day.

You'd had a hard time getting excited about anything since the last time you spoke with Eren.

Everyone with homes within Wall Rose was going to take the day to visit their family and loved ones. Others were going to head to the town or the market area in Trost and spend the day hitting the shops and stalls with their friends.

You, well... if you had your way, you were just going to sleep. It wasn't like you had any friends or family outside of the 104th Trainee Corps or any money to spend.

Yeah, sleeping sounded good. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

You fell back, relishing the feeling of the pillow cradling your head. It may have been made out of shit and cardboard, but it was better than nothing.

A day off...

"WAHOO!"

You sat up straight in bed, hair flipping up unattractively, a grimace painting your face.

"Sasha. You better shut up. Right now."

Sasha had burst in through the door with Connie, spinning around on one foot, throwing her hands into the air joyously. "But today's our day off! You all don't want to spend it sleeping! - oof!"

Sasha lifted her hands defensively as Annie threw what appeared to be her whole boot directly at Sasha's head.

"Okay, okay, I get it. I'm sorry. I just thought you guys would want to do something fun with what little time you have! This is one of our last days together, and we can do whatever we waaant!" she sang, running down the aisle to grab her small satchel. "Connie, let's go! The shops are open!"

He nodded vigorously as she grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door. Blissful silence fell over the cabin once again.

Finally...

"She has a point, you know," Christa said thoughtfully from her top bunk. She sat up, long blonde hair forming a messy halo around her head. "Ymir, are you up? Wanna go to town?"

"We could just snuggle in bed," Ymir answered grumpily from beneath her. "Together," she added as an afterthought, sounding rather satisfied with her idea.

"Come on, Ymir! Look, the sun's already up! We're wasting time!" Christa pleaded, leaning over the side of her bed to peer at her best friend. Her blonde hair fell down, tangled and ratty. Ymir played with it absentmindedly, separating the knotted strands with her fingers.

Hannah lithely jumped down from the bunk she shared with Sasha, red hair almost standing straight up, and started getting ready, digging for her brush in her drawer. Mikasa did the same, careful not to wake her grumpy, blonde, ssomehow again sleeping, bunkmate. Ymir groaned. "We can't just sleep?"

"I'm with Ymir," you called sleepily.

"No, we can't just sleep," Christa answered incredulously. "[Name]!" she called. "What are you going to do today?"

You groaned, gesturing towards your head dramatically. "This."

"You can come with us," she offered.

"Nope. Still this. But thanks."

Mikasa peeked up from the side of your bed. "You could come to the market with Eren, Armin, and me."

You looked at her wearily. "Thanks, but no."

She stared at you silently for a moment, until you felt slightly uncomfortable. "Is everything okay between you and Eren? He's seemed depressed lately."

You forcibly scoffed, rolling your eyes for added show. "He's just being dramatic. We had a little fight. It's nothing," you said, dismissing her assumption with an airy wave of your hand.

The truth was, as tough a show as you put on for the others, you knew Mikasa would see right through you. You'd been friends and lived together for a quite a while, so you knew it was unavoidable that she'd see how bothered you were by your last conversation with Eren, just as she'd noticed with her brother. After two years of being inseparable, you'd barely looked at each other in almost a month.

But you wanted to. Oh, you wanted to.

And therein lies the problem.

Mikasa narrowed her eyes. "It's not nothing. I've seen him when you guys fight. This is different."

You dropped the facade in front of your friend, sadness taking over your expression. You sighed heavily, glad the other girls were too busy to notice your conversation. You figured this was why Mikasa had chosen now to have it. She was nothing if not quietly considerate. Truthfully, she was probably one of the best friends you'd ever had.

"I don't want him to get any closer. Mika, we're all leaving next week. You're leaving. He's leaving."

She looked down for a moment, pondering what you had said. "I think I understand where you're coming from. But is breaking his heart really worth it?"

" I'm not breaking -"

"[Name], please listen to me," Mikasa said quietly. You immediately fell silent. Mikasa didn't often speak, and almost never demanded to be listened to. You could tell that whatever she needed to say was important to her, so you gave her your full attention. She was quiet for a few moments. "I've seen Eren go through every emotion there is. Anger, sadness, even happiness sometimes," she said, a sad smile on her beautiful face. "He wears his heart on his sleeve. Heartbreak isn't one I've seen before, but it isn't too difficult to recognize."

You stared at her blankly.

"Whatever it was that was said between the two of you, it causes him pain. He's hurting," she clarified. "I understand that he and you are not joining the same branch. I understand that he... doesn't understand. But please... try to fix it. I've never seen him like this before."

"Mika..." you said, stunned almost into silence. You hadn't realized that... Eren was in as much pain as you were. Maybe even more... he didn't know why you weren't letting him near you. You didn't like it, but she had a point. You didn't want to hurt him anymore than you already had. You cleared your throat and nodded. "I'll try."

She looked at you and smiled wanly. "That's all I can ask. Thank you."

She jumped down from your bunk bed and continued getting ready, changing into a simple blouse and skirt from when she joined several years ago. They still fit her.

You laid back heavily against your bed and tried closing your eyes and falling back asleep again.

All you could see was him.

"Shit," you groaned, getting out of bed and jumping to the floor, startling Mina who sat on her own bed, lacing up her boots.

"[Name]! " she said excitedly... or was it guiltily?... as you sat down beside her drowsily.

You smiled at her. "Hi, Mina."

She glowed. "Will you come with us today?"

She reminded you so much of Amelia. She was so light, so carefree, so happy. She deserved a better friend than you, you thought sadly. "No, Mina, but thank you. I think I'll just spend today relaxing here. The past three years have taken their toll on me," you joked, leaning against her and pushing her slightly.

She giggled. "I understand. I'm tempted to just stay in bed myself," she said cheerfully. Her smile faded a bit and she looked at you seriously. "[Name], I... I heard what Mikasa said to you."

You looked sourly at your feet. "Oh."

Mina smiled gently. "I don't know him very well, but when I notice he's been different too, something's wrong."

You sighed. "I don't know what to do, Mina. He wants more than it's possible for us to have. I don't want to get too close, and then have to watch him leave."

She shrugged, leaning against your shoulder lightly. "Maybe he's just as sad about having to leave you as you are about leaving him."

"I don't think he understands," you said, frustration tinting your voice.

"Oh, I bet he does," Mina said thoughtfully. "I bet he understands perfectly, and that's why he wants more. It's like Sasha said before - he's trying to make the best of what little time we have left."

You looked at her, a startled look on your face. "But what's the point of that? It'll just hurt to remember later."

"It'll hurt more if you leave with nothing. Appreciate him while you still have him, and have those memories later."

With that, she got up and walked out, gripping your shoulder tightly before she left.

It wasn't long before you were left alone with your thoughts.

You stretched like a cat, cracking your back to the left and the right before clicking the triggers on your 3DMG and soaring into the trees.

You had always taken a great amount of joy in soaring through the sky with your gear, and today, tired or no, you needed that feeling of freedom. When you lived in the Undercity, you were barely even able to see the sun or the clouds. Now, you could live among them.

You weren't sure how long you'd been flying, but eventually, your muscles start to cramp up and you decided you needed to take a break. The sun was starting to hang low in the sky, painting the horizon with gorgeous pinks and oranges, so you knew it was getting later and you'd need to just head straight back afterwards. You landed by a lake, thinking that the water would be refreshing as well. You dropped your gear on the ground to relieve yourself of some of the weight, and made your way over to the shore.

You almost jumped out of your boots when someone landed heavily beside you.

"I thought you went to town," you said immediately upon seeing a pair of accusing green eyes. You backed up nervously.

He shrugged, intent eyes trained on you. "I didn't feel like it."

Your eyes narrowed. "Then what are you doing here?"

"I saw you, so I followed you," he said matter-of-factly.

You grunted and turned, walking back to you discarded gear. "Too far, Eren."

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Eren asked, hot on your trail.

"You know why," you said over your shoulder, still walking away.

'Fixing it', it was turning out, was easier said than done when it came to this guy.

He didn't stop. "This could be one of the last times we get to talk."

"That's okay with me," you said flippantly.

He finally caught up with you, standing between you and your gear, a look of desperation on his face. "Please! Please, just talk to me," he begged, coming closer to you cautiously. "Don't just walk away from me... please. Please."

All of your pent up emotions burst within in you, and you couldn't keep your voice down anymore. "What do you want from me, Eren?!" you yelled.

He didn't back down, nor did he move. He held you gaze fiercely. "I want to know why it's so wrong for me to care about you."

You groaned and looked away. "Eren..."

He grabbed your hand and watched as he gently ran his index finger over your knuckles. His voice dropped, laced with emotion. "Why can't I care? What is it about your past that's so bad that you can't even tell me?" asked Eren, turning his gaze back to you.

You didn't like where this was going so you pulled your hand free, backing away and shaking your head. "Eren, please, stop -"

He halted abruptly, massaging the bridge of his nose. "No, that's not what I've wanted to say. But I've been waiting for a month to say this, and it's my last chance, so please... listen. Just listen. One last time."

You wanted to tell him no, to push him aside and grab your gear and fly away from him. That was easier... but... something about the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes wouldn't let you do it.

Wouldn't let you break his heart.

"...Okay," you said quietly.

He looked up at you with hopeful eyes. "Okay?"

You nodded. "Okay."

"...Thank you," he said quietly. He looked like he wanted to reach out to you, but changed his mind. His hands fell limply to his sides. His eyes were trained on the lake behind you. "It's fine if you can't tell me about what happened before we met. I don't care about where you came from. I don't care about what you've done," he said, stepping forward and taking your hand again cautiously. You let him. "All I care about is you, and if caring about you means that I can't know, then that's okay," he said simply. "But please, don't ignore me. Please don't ever ignore me like that. I've been miserable without you. I thought that... that was going to be the last time I'd ever get to talk to you, and it made me sick to my stomach," he said, grimacing. "I'm sorry that I pushed you. If you don't want to be... friends like before, that's fine. But please, please don't treat me like I don't exist. But I'm sick of being pushed away. ...I just want to be close to you."

Somewhere during his speech, you had turned away from him, hand still enclosed in his.

You didn't want him to see you cry.

"Look at me," he said gently, squeezing your hand with one of his, touching your scarred cheek with another.

You didn't reply, for fear of your voice betraying your emotions to him.

"Please," he said softly.

"Why?" You spoke the word as quietly as possible.

"I need to see your face."

"..."

Slowly, uncertainly, you faced him, turning your wet cheek into his palm, tears falling freely from your eyes. You were past being embarrassed in front of him, but you felt ashamed nonetheless.

"[Name]..." he said, stunned. "Why... are you crying?"

Your face twisted angrily at his stupid question, and you snapped. "Because you're leaving!" you spat.

He looked concerned, and his hands dropped to his sides. "What?"

"You're leaving! You're joining them! " you hissed the word like it was a swear, staring at him accusatorily.

He shook his head in confusion. "What does that have to do with anything? You always knew I was joining the Legion," he reasoned.

You looked at him disbelievingly. "Yeah! Yeah, I did! But I wasn't expecting to feel like... this!" you gestured generally at your whole self.

Eren was still lost. "Like what?"

You looked around angrily, struggling to put words to your feelings. "Idiot. Like... like... like my heart's being torn out of my chest!"

As usual, he was struggling to keep up. "...What are you saying?"

You glared at him through the tears that just refused to stop. Sina, how much can one person cry? "What don't you understand? I think about me going the Police or the Garrison and you going to the Legion and it feels like my heart's being torn out of my chest. You might be okay with leaving me behind, but I'm not okay with letting you go!"

Eren simply gawked at you, speechless.

"I can't stand the thought of living the rest of my life not knowing... whether you're alive or dead. I..." You kept backing up, away from him, until your ankles hit the water. You couldn't control it anymore and gave up on your self-control, cries falling freely from your lips. "Please d-don't go..." you sobbed brokenly, wrapping your arms around yourself, trying in vain to hold yourself together before your broken soul broke clean in half.

"[Name]..."

You continued. "Please, don't go... just join the Military Police," you pleaded. "You could, you'll easily make top ten. Armin and Mikasa will follow you wherever you go, just please... don't go to them. I don't know... what I'd do..."

He started walking towards you as you spoke, and you hiccupped pathetically, about to lose the strength to stand.

"Don't go," you whimpered again weakly, meeting him halfway. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you in a tight embrace before you could fall, and pulled you closely against his chest. You gripped his jacket as if you'd blow away in the wind if you let him go.

You held onto each other for you didn't even care how long. The sun had gone down, preventing you from flying back with the 3DMG anyway, so there was no need to rush anymore. Eren drew lazy circles on your back with his fingers.

After a few minutes of silence, once your sobbing (finally) died down, he spoke. "[Name]... you don't really think I... don't care, do you? About... leaving you behind."

"What else am I supposed to think?" you sniffled, looking up at him. "You want to start something, but... what are we supposed to do in a week when we go our separate ways? What then? I don't just want some... but we can never have more. We both know that. And you act like it doesn't matter what will happen afterwards."

"[Name], I think about that every day," he confessed. "My greatest fear is that the walls will break again and I won't be here for you. That I'll come back from a mission and you won't be here anymore. You're not the only one that worries, you know."

"Then why do you want to get close to me so soon before you leave? It'll just make it hurt more later," you whispered. "It's easier just to let it go."

"Sure, it's easier just to ignore it and hope it goes away, but..." he said quietly. "Do you remember what I said to you our first night here?"

You looked up at him in confusion. "I'm sorry... no."

"You told me that you can't lose what was never yours," he explained. "So I told you that I learned that day in Shiganshina to never take a single thing or person for granted and that you were stupid to want to stay away from everyone to try and protect your heart. In the end, your heart will always just do what it wants, with or without your permission."

"Mostly without," you said bitterly.

You could feel, more than hear, his chest rumble with a deep laugh. "Mostly without," he agreed. "So, I want to cherish whatever time I have with you. Whether it will hurt or not."

You couldn't find the words to reply to him. You'd never imagined... that he felt that way. It made so much more sense to you now. You could feel yourself heal a little bit at the thought.

"...I've never seen you cry before," he said thoughtfully.

You scowled. "That's because I don't cry. And if you don't shut up, I'll still kick your ass, crying or no."

There came that wonderful rumble again. "Hey, that's sure to make you smile! Let's try that!"

You giggled, sniffling against his shirt. "Eren. You're such a..."

"An idiot?" he offered helpfully.

"Yes. You're an idiot," you agreed fondly, laughing softly through your tears and nuzzling into his chest.

You remained silently in each other's company. You silently thanked Mina for her words from earlier.

It'll hurt more if you leave with nothing. Appreciate him while you still have him, and have those memories later.

You were going to do just that, but still...

"We can never have more than this, you know," you said sadly, pulling him towards you even more, if it was possible.

"I know," he replied.

"You're still going to go, aren't you." It wasn't so much a question as a statement.

You felt him sigh dejectedly by your ear. "I have to."

"I know," you said sadly. "You would never have gone anywhere else."

His arms tightened around you, before he pulled back, holding you at arm's distance. His eyes burned fiercely. "I promise you. I will win this war, for the both us. I'll come back to you."

"I know," you said solemnly.

He kissed your forehead, thumbing away the tears on either of your cheeks, before pulling you back into his arms. "Will you wait for me?"

Even if you would never be able to have more than this, than holding each other close; even if you both knew that his promise to end the war was an empty one; even if you were going against everything you had ever believed in your short time on earth, you didn't hesitate. Not for one second.

"Always," you said, for the first time not caring about what was certain to come. "Always."


	10. Chapter 9: Mirror

You woke up the next day, tired, but feeling far better than you had in weeks.

Today was the day of your final evaluation. And you were ready.

Your resolution with Eren last night by the lake, despite how long it'd taken the two of you to walk home through the woods and the toll it had taken on your sleep, had left you feeling renewed and, dare you say it, happy. After the last month of loneliness, your last conversation had refreshed you, both emotionally and physically. You didn't think you'd been more ready to go in three years.

You would leave for the Military Police next week. All you had to do now was finish your test and make the top ten.

You sat up in bed, kicking the sheets off your bare legs and stretching like a cat. You yawned quietly before jumping lightly to the floor, the pads of your feet making nothing more than a soft 'thump' as you landed. You looked around you, noticing all the other girls still sleeping in various positions and levels of quiet, and left for the showers on your own. It would be one of the last showers you took here. You thought it may seem overly sentimental, but the first shower you ever took was in there, by yourself. You wanted to appreciate that solitude one last time before you left for the interior.

Quickly, you undressed, laying your clothes neatly on the ledge by the sinks. You turned the faucet on one of the corner showers, and the water spurted to life. You waited until the temperature had gone up a bit and then stepped beneath the spray. You loved showering earlier than the others; you were almost guaranteed hot water. The only one who seemed to enjoy showering in the cold was Annie. At least, it seemed that way with how late she got up most mornings. There was never any hot water left for her, as everyone else had already used it up.

You relished the feeling of the heat pounding onto your back, rapidly washing yourself so the others would have hot water as well, and changed into your uniform, buckling up your harness with deft, agile hands before the sinks.

When you finished, you stared at your reflection in the washroom mirror.

You had never looked at yourself all that often over the years. You didn't really like to. Every time you saw that scar burdening your cheek, you were reminded of that day that had changed your life. Every time you looked at yourself, you were reminded of your failures.

Today was no different, but you found yourself entranced.

You weren't sure when it happened. Your face had thinned out considerably over time, but not in the sickly way. Your eyes seemed less big and childlike, and your skin looked less drawn. That is, you didn't look like you were starving. You used to wear your skin like you didn't have enough of it. But you hadn't had to worry about having enough food in years. Even with Sasha around, there was always more than enough. You still had a long scar, but it had faded and looked like it belonged there, rather than looking like it remained out of mere spite. You looked tired, certainly. There were dark circles under your eyes, probably from your late-night excursion.

That, however, didn't dull how bright you looked. Your eyes practically glowed. Your skin was a healthy tan color from years of working outside beneath the sun. Your hair hung loose around your face. You looked strong, and powerful. You were no longer a little girl playing at war. You were a woman. You were a soldier.

And you were going to throw away three years of training to kill titans to join the Military Police.

Your heart stung at the thought, but you didn't know why.

This is it, Amelia.

You didn't even remember the speech that Shadis gave all of the cadets after you had all gotten ready, eaten a small breakfast, and excitedly made their way out to the field for final evaluations. Chatter invaded your ears from all sides. He congratulated all of you for remaining this far. After today, you are all soldiers, blah, blah. He hadn't told you much of what evaluation would entail, only that it would test everything you had learned over the course of the last three years. Lastly, he told us he was proud to have taught us, which shocked us all. Shadis was never a cruel man, it was just not in his nature to give such plain praise.

You were nervous, everyone was - but still, you were excited. You were certain that you were close, if not in, the top ten in the rankings at the moment. You only hoped that you could maintain such high scores today during your test.

Shadis finished speaking, and called out the name of a trainee you didn't know very well. He nervously stepped out of the crowd. It was starting. Shadis led the trainee away from the large mass of cadets, explaining something to him as they walked. Once they reached the woods, they both took off on their 3DMG. Silence fell.

Five minutes later, they returned. Shadis dismissed the cadet, and he left, looking slightly dejected. He rejoined the formation of trainees, eyes on the ground. Shadis' demeanor hadn't changed. He called the next name.

Time passed like this. Mikasa, Armin, Marco, Reiner, Sasha, and Mina had gone. After Bert's evaluation, Shadis dismissed everyone for a half-hour lunch break. It was finished in silence. Many of the trainees had gone silent after their own tests, likely unsatisfactory evaluations. This knowledge cowed everyone else into quiet as they pondered what they were actually getting themselves in to.

You didn't want to think about it, but seeing everyone's faces, their tight lips, lowered eyes, and downturned mouths, you couldn't help it.

What if... you didn't make the top ten?

What would you do then?

You didn't want to join the Garrison, now that you gave it some thought. The opportunities to help anyone while in what Eren liked the call the 'Wall Construction Unit' were few to none. They spent their days drinking. Watching the titans clawing at the base of the other side of the wall.

You didn't want that.

So, the only other option was... the Scouting Legion.

A death sentence.

Eren's likeliest fate.

So, you were committed. If you didn't make top ten, you had to choose one. Would you choose the Garrison, spending the rest of your life drunkenly straddling the wall, looking down on the thousands of people who really need help? Or would you choose the Scouting Legion, and throw your life away as titan fodder?

But... making the ultimate commitment to making a difference. To really, truly help not just people, but all of humanity as a whole. The thought was enticing.

Thinking about it that way... would joining the Legion really be so bad?

Amelia had wanted to join the Legion, and fight and die for something actually worth it.

Growing up in the slums, you had seen people die for a lot less.

Would you be brave enough to do it, even if you didn't make the top ten? What about... if you did make top ten?

Stop it.

You wanted to vomit. Three years, with a singular goal - the Military Police - and you were now talking yourself out of it. It was so close, and yet...

You didn't want it.

Suddenly, lunch didn't look so inviting. You pushed your tray over to Sasha.

You returned to the field, and Eren, Jean, Christa, and Annie took their turns. Each returned looking moderately (Christa) to very (Eren) confident in their results. Annie looked no different than ever.

You were close to having a breakdown the entire time.

What do I do?

Time inched by. Finally. Finally, Shadis called your name. You walked up to him with what you hoped was a confident stride. Even you weren't convinced it was.

You stopped right before your instructor, snapping your best salute. He appraised you silently, and nodded.

"[Surname]," greeted Shadis crisply. "Follow me." He pivoted and head out towards to woods. "The goal of your assessment is simple. Complete the course in as little time as possible, killing as many of the 'titans' as possible. They will be wooden mounts, just as they were in training. You will be graded on speed, efficiency, form, strike depth, and skill, as well as having the past three years of observation added into the calculations. Two instructors will act as 'deviants' and pursue you, and should you get tagged by one of them or have your wires cut, you are 'dead'. Points will be deducted. I will observe your assessment from above."

You nodded your head. "I understand."

"Good. The timer starts when I tell you to go."

You both reached the forest, and you proceeded to check your belts to be sure that they were secure. You were hardly ready when Shadis suddenly took off into the trees, shouting, "GO! THE TITANS WON'T WAIT WHILE YOU SECURE YOUR GEAR."

You took off with a growl of rage, straight into the trees at a hundred miles an hour. The trees kicked up a wind as you flew, lifting your wild hair from your forehead. The sun beat through the high branches where Shadis shadowed you, pounding onto the back of your tan military jacket. Your eyes scanned the area, alert for titans, both wooden and human. So far, there was nothing.

You had been concerned that the course would not be obvious and you would get lost, never to finish your final examination, but that was not the case. The trees were formed in a manner that made it very easy to navigate, as well as the trail of wooden titans that began to lead deeper into the woods. The first wooden behemoth was approaching rapidly. You brought yourself higher, drawing your giant box-cutter blades from their sheaths before the first titan, diving downwards to gain momentum before sinking your blades deep into the wooden nape, cutting off a large, triangular chunk. You noted with pride that it was much deeper than the other cuts that were there. You took a sharp left and followed the trail, which you imagined was shaped somewhat like a U.

I can do this! I can make the Military Police!

You were too busy being caught up in your triumph, zooming through the trees, to notice that you also felt a little sad at the thought.

You cut down the next several titans with ease, all in under one minute. Then, you saw it. Out of the corner of your right eye, a shadow drifted just out of your range of vision. From the left, another.

The deviants.

Adrenaline rushing, you could feel more than see them closing in on you, and you noted how difficult it may have been for other recruits to notice them before it was too late. Fifteen years in the Undercity, though, had helped you hone in on that little six sense that told you when you were being watched or followed.

They were good, but... you were better.

They both dove in towards you at the same time, aiming straight for your wires. You pulled yourself up at a sharp angle, pulling your blades over your head to slice down, severing one wire on each of the 'deviants'. Having lost control, they slammed into one another, remaining wires caught, spinning until they no longer had any mobility. You 'wooped' in excitement.

Just a few more minutes, and I'll be in the Military Police. Just a few more, and...

Why am I doing this?

You soared straight over the head of a titan.

Three years. You'd been working towards this for three years, and... you were having second thoughts. Every time you visualized yourself standing, saluting for a Military Police officer in the inner district, you felt sick to your stomach.

Titan after titan you passed by, ignored, as you began to panic.

Eyes the color of stale water sneered at you, back down in the Undercity, tugging you back by your satchel. You heard the bang of a gunshot in the Stohess District alley. You felt the shard of glass cut into your cheek, and the shard of glass digging into your palm as you smoothly slid it across a man's throat.

This time, though, it wasn't the face that haunted your dreams. Your own face, spattered lightly with your sister's life blood, grinned at you as the blood drained from its body, red staining its straight, white teeth.

Amelia's ring rested warmly on your finger.

"I don't WANT this!"

You saw the horned horse, and your heart pounded.

Don't think like that... snap out of it...

Snap out of it!

You regained your focus and darted towards the last titan, blades raised, striking it with such force that the titan was knocked out of its anchor and landed hard on the wooded ground. You landed lithely on its makeshift head as it slid, eventually coming to a stop before Instructor Shadis, who landed and stood looking at you solemnly, hands held behind his back.

"Thank you. Your assessment is over."

Blankly, you turned on your heel. Distracted by your inner turmoil, you made your way over to the formation of cadets standing silently. You stood beside Sasha. She looked at you with a question in her eyes, but you couldn't bring yourself to say anything. So you didn't let your face falter. Yet, strangely, you only wanted to cry.

What have I done?

You may have just lost any chance of achieving the dream that you've always wanted. You were disappointed in yourself, but...

You visualized the person you saw in the mirror that morning, draped in the forest green of the Scouting Legion.

Eight hours had passed and Millius, the last cadet, returned from his evaluation. It was time to return to the mess hall for dinner. The evening passed silently. You went to bed without speaking another word.

You had heard the whisperings that today would be the day they finally put up the final rankings, but didn't believe it until you heard that, yes, the rankings were up. The bulletin board is by the registration area. Go see it before everyone else finds out or you won't be able to get close enough to the board to see anything.

Surely enough, you were too late to avoid the crowds around the board. You could see from the back that there were several pieces of paper, one with a handful of largely printed names, and the others with a list of names, printed very, very small.

You didn't care about the small names. You knew exactly which sheet you needed to see.

You walked nervously up to the board, trying to sneak between the milling bodies chattering excitedly. Some were laughing, teasing friends who did not rank as highly as they did. Others were crying, seeing that they did not make top ten. Some didn't seem to care about the rankings at all, and joked raucously with friends.

You cared little to talk with any of them. You only cared to see that little sheet of paper.

Finally, you stood before it, sights on the ground.

Moment of truth, Amelia.

You lifted your eyes.

1. Mikasa Ackerman

You were unsurprised by this. Mikasa was by far the best trainee here. She had worked hard to obtain that rank, even if she wasn't going to use it to be accepted into the Military Police.

One down, nine to go.

2. Reiner Braun  
3. Bertholdt Fubar  
4. Annie Leonhardt

The three of them were also no surprise to you, and they deserved their rankings. You imagined all three would be joining the Military Police. Annie, at least, had made her intention to join the Police evident since day one. Your eyes drifted down.

5. Eren Jaeger

Even though you knew he didn't care about his rank and probably wouldn't even come to check them, you felt your heart swell with pride in him.

6. Jean Kirschtein  
7. Marco Bodt

You were happy for them. They had never wanted anything more than to join the Military Police together, and now there was nothing in the world that could stop them.

But still. Your name hadn't come up yet.

Your heart thundered in your chest.

8. Connie Springer  
9. Sasha Braus

Eight. Nine.

You were too busy feeling intense dread from in your chest to feel happy for them. Your friends. Eight and nine.

Ten?

One spot left.

Only one more chance for you to join the Military Police.

One more chance for you to have an excuse to join the Scouting Legion instead.

The deciding number. Ten.

A forest green cloak flashed in your mind.

You heaved a heavy breath, eyes trained just below the paper. You weren't sure you were brave enough yet to look. You weren't sure you'd ever be brave enough.

You felt someone's hand grip your own tightly.

You didn't have to turn your head to know who it was. His touch, his warmth, his presence; they were enough to give you the strength and courage to lift your eyes one last time.

10. [Name] [Surname]  
~

That night, you shattered the mirror to pieces.


	11. Chapter 10: Stars

Stars.

Promise me...

you'll see the stars...

You couldn't remember the last time you had actually taken a moment to appreciate the stars.

Amelia's voice rung eerily in your mind, a broken record, a reminder of times and memories that hadn't been awakened in what seemed like years. You could see her as clearly as if she had died yesterday. Her tiny frame and slender face, usually graced with one of her signature grins. Her long hair, so much like yours, matted with dirt and grime from the dank alleys and passageways of the Undercity where you grew up. Her brilliant, distinctive eyes. The same shade you saw when you looked at yourself in the mirror in the small hours of the morning. When you weren't sure if it was your eyes or hers that stared at you, accusatory, judging.

Your hands were folded behind your head, body stretched out flat on the grass. You stared straight up, at everything and nothing in particular. Millions, billions of tiny lights winked at you in the darkness from their perches in the heavens. You could hear the song of the crickets surrounding you, loud and quiet at the same time. The summer heat had held on from the day, but a cool breeze brushed delicately over your skin like silk.

You had never quite gotten used to experiencing such peace. You would sneak out of the dorm at night before to experience this serenity from time to time, but you realized that tonight would be your last chance to do so as a cadet, and you wanted to savor it while you could. You didn't know much of aboveground Sina, but you were fairly certain that grass was not as commonly seen there as it was here in the outskirts of Wall Rose. Much of Sina was industrialized, and over a decade of living underground all of it had certainly taught you to appreciate small miracles of nature like this and given you a different outlook upon it than your fellow soldiers.

The soldiers you would be graduating with tomorrow.

After tomorrow, you would be riding into Wall Sina to join the Military Police. Fulfilling the dream that you had had for so many long years. The single end goal of three long years of sweat, blood, and even occasional tears. The realization of the promise that you had made to Amelia that day in Stohess.

Tomorrow was the day. Graduation.

Tomorrow was the culmination of all of your suffering. The day that you would move on from this miserable, tedious phase of your life and live in the splendorous shadow of the King.

And you weren't ready. Yet you had to be. There was no other choice.

No real one, anyway.

If you had not made top ten, it would have been almost easy to join the Legion. No one would really have questioned it, and your decision would have been made for you. The Garrison Regiment is relatively safe, sure, but you weren't going to settle for spending the rest of your life sitting atop the wall, sipping on your twentieth beer of the late morning. There is no dignity and no chance to evolve or make a difference there.

But now, you had two choices: the Military Police or the Scouting Legion. And the Military Police is far too good an opportunity to pass up. You did not have the strength to join the Scouts now.

In some different world, maybe you would have been brave enough. In another world, maybe you would have followed him. The two of you would have gone together, fought together, even died together. In another world, another life, you would have been free to love him without fear. In another world.

Under the shelter of the night sky, alone with your thoughts and the crickets, it was easy to imagine such a world.

You closed your eyes and let the symphony envelope you in its soothing embrace.

Eren sighed, staring out the window of the boy's dormitory from his bunk.

This next day would be his last day in this dormitory. In this headquarters. His last day with the other trainees. His friends. His brothers and sisters.

His last day with you.

His heart hurt just thinking about it. He distracted himself by looking further out the window.

Each time he saw the stars that you loved so much, he thought of you. They reminded him of you in so many ways. They each shone like a tiny bird of fire, soaring eternally into the twilight. Once everything was said and done and the sun had gone, it was their time to shine. And then, the stars proved themselves to be the most beautiful of all.

Eren knew that he would fall in love with you from the first morning he met you, on the roof of that shitty old market store three years ago. Your eyes told a thousand stories, some of sadness, some of determination, some of beauty. Your hair glimmered like strands of a precious metal, some pieces falling into your face, barely obscuring the infinity of your irises. Something about your face made his soul light up like sky tonight, graced with tiny, little flames, far off in the distance.

The stars really were beautiful tonight.

After that morning, he felt strangely compelled to be close to you. But each time he tried, you pushed him away with such force that he got whiplash. As much as he wanted to hate you, though, he could never bring himself to do it. So he kept getting closer and closer, and then one day, you just... stopped pushing. Even if you wouldn't let him see what was under that hard shell, you let him care for you. And that, for Eren, was enough.

You had always stood like a girl, a woman, who had seen the worst of the world and was not afraid of it. Eren wanted to show you all the good there was in the world, so that your shoulders would no longer ache with the weight of a past that he knew nothing of. He wanted to show you vast bodies of water, laden with highly coveted salt. He wanted to show you rivers of fiery water, fields of ice, and rocks so tall it takes days to climb them. He wanted to show you all the amazing things the world had to offer. And he was not going to stop until he did.

But tomorrow was his last day with you until then.

His eyes lit up with a fresh determination as he stared off into the night, planning the future the two of you would be able to share once he got rid of the titans, once and for all.

After all...

Eren knew he would love you from the day he met you. He might have even fallen in love with you right then. And he knew, beyond all doubt, that he would love you until the day he died, and even then, he would keep on loving you.

The next morning came and went uneventfully.

You woke up, showered, changed, and went to sit with your friends at breakfast as usual. It was different, though. Quieter. Even Sasha's normal loud chewing (or inhaling) sounds were not to be heard. In fact, the bottomless pit herself seemed to have lost her appetite.

It was the last breakfast you would all eat together as the 104th Cadet Corps.

The morning passed solemnly. You all boarded the dozens of carriages, without even a single minute of mandated conditioning, and rode into Trost center before the sun had even come up.

You shook silently next to the people who had been your only family for three years.

Never had the stars seemed colder to you than they did that morning.


End file.
